The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Three Letters from One Wife (1964)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rob can't take another week of Alan's anxieties and needling over a risky show that become preempted due to a flooded subway] 

  Laura Petrie : Rob, something has come up that I, as your wife, feel that you should know.

  Rob Petrie : If it'll make me happy, go ahead and tell me, if not, save it, because it could drive me over the brink.

  Millie Helper : [bursting out in tears]  Oh, Rob, I'm so sorry! Y-you don't ever have to speak to me ever again.

  Rob Petrie : [levelly]  It's not gonna me me happy, is it?

  Laura Petrie : I don't think so.

  Rob Petrie : Did she kill Jerry?

  Laura Petrie : Rob, is has to do with the program.

  Rob Petrie : SHE flooded the subway?

  Millie Helper : [distraught]  I was only trying to help!

  Rob Petrie : [incredulously]  She DID flood the subway?

• Rob Petrie : Wish me luck. I'm goin' to Alan's office.

  Sally Rogers : Okay.

  Buddy Sorrell : I'll go with ya. I'll wait in the hall and be your lookout.

  Rob Petrie : Look, I'm not gonna steal the letters. I gonna tell Alan the truth.

  Buddy Sorrell : I'll still go along.

  Sally Rogers : Look, if he's gonna tell the truth, he doesn't need a lookout.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sure, he does. I'll stand out there, and when Alan throws him out the window, I'll yell, "LOOKOUT!"

• Rob Petrie : Anybody is welcome to have their own opinion about anything. Millie, get out of my house.

• Rob Petrie : [referring to his documentary script]  The thing is, everybody knows that Alan is a great comedian. I thought this'd give him a chance to be something different.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sure, a flop.

• Rob Petrie : I don't think I'm very smart.

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, you're smart enough to know you're stupid.

• [Alan phones to decline Rob's request to host his documentary on comedy - something out of the norm for Alan - a rejection Rob is relieved to hear since failure of the documentary could cost him his job] 

  Alan Brady : I just think I'll stick to what I know is right for me.

  Rob Petrie : [glad]  Oh, sure, Alan. D'ya... you just weren't right for it.

  Alan Brady : If you didn't think I was right for it in the first place, why did you show me the script?

  Rob Petrie : But, well, now, no, in-in the first place, I-I thought you WERE right for it.

  Alan Brady : But you've changed your mind.

  Rob Petrie : No. No. I-I-I still think you're right for it.

  Alan Brady : But you don't want me to do it.

  Rob Petrie : Uh, well, look, Alan, let's put it this way. I'd... I'd... duh... I want you to do it, but it's... I don't want to force you.

  Alan Brady : Rob, NOBODY forces Alan Brady to do ANYTHING.

  Rob Petrie : That's right, Alan. I wouldn't force you. We'll get somebody else. That's all.

  Alan Brady : Ah, Rob, you son of a gun, you did it. You really know how to use the psychology, don't you?

  Rob Petrie : [now worried]  ... Uh-huh...

  Alan Brady : You win. I accept your challenge.

  Rob Petrie : [tongue-tied]  Wd-ah-wd-wd-ah-wh-ah...

  Alan Brady : You don't say? Listen, Rob, are you trying to say there's something upsetting you here?

  Rob Petrie : No, no! Oops, no, sir. I'm thrilled, Alan. I'm helple... ye... uh, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, uh... ha-ha-ha... speechless.

  Alan Brady : After I do the show, Rob, you could be jobless, too. So long.

• Laura Petrie : Rob? Are you all right?

  Rob Petrie : [laughing continuously]  I couldn't be worse.

  Millie Helper : Rob, what can I do?

  Rob Petrie : Take advantage of my temporary insanity and get out of here.

  [Millie runs out] 

  Laura Petrie : [trying to comfort Rob]  Darling...

  Rob Petrie : [unable to stop laughing]  Don't touch me.

• Buddy Sorrell : Rob, listen to me. Steal the mail.

  Rob Petrie : I can't. It's dishonest.

  Buddy Sorrell : So I'LL Steal it.

  Rob Petrie : So it's still dishonest.

  Buddy Sorrell : No, I'll be like Robin Hood. I'll rob from the rich and give to the Rob.

• Rob Petrie : I wanna tell you that what-what may appear obvious on the, uh, surface may not be the same below the surface.

  Alan Brady : Yeah, Lloyd Bridges proved that, didn't he?

• Alan Brady : And you suggested that I appear on this program?

  Rob Petrie : Well, I wrote it for them Al, and they asked me for the greatest comedy mind in the country.

  Mel Cooley : Yes and that of course is you, Alan.

  Alan Brady : Mel, let him slice his own baloney.

• Mel Cooley : This is the first morning in 15 years he invited me to have coffee with him.

  Rob Petrie : And just because you recommended... you've never had coffee with him?

  Mel Cooley : He says I make him nauseous.

• Alan Brady : You sit up there in your ivory tower with your books and diplomas and you think you're smarter than me.

  Rob Petrie : No, I never said that.

  Alan Brady : Sure you do and so does Danny Dartmouth here.

  Mel Cooley : No, Princeton.

  Alan Brady : What's the difference and shut up.