The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Who Stole My Watch (1966)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : You know, I'm... I'm beginning to get a little angry.

  Laura Petrie : So am I. Millie and Jerry certainly ought to know we don't suspect them.

  Rob Petrie : Well, Buddy and Sally and Mel should know we don't suspect them. They also should know we don't think they took it.

  Laura Petrie : Then who took it?

  Rob Petrie : I don't know, but one of 'em did.

• [last lines] 

  Buddy Sorrell : Boy, if I'd had known a watch was *that* neat, I'd have stolen it myself.

  Rob Petrie : Hold it. 58, 59, 60! It's Tuesday in Bangkok.

  Jerry Helper : Big deal!

  Laura Petrie : It'll be Tuesday here before Sally arrives.

  Millie Helper : Yeah, where is she? I'm starved.

  Rob Petrie : Well, she said she had a surprise. She didn't want to come until she was sure everyone was here.

  Buddy Sorrell : I'm here, I'm here. I'm getting ready to leave already.

  Mel Cooley : I love it when he says things like that.

  Rob Petrie : [the doorbell rings]  There she is.

  Millie Helper : Yay!

  Jerry Helper : It's about time.

  Mel Cooley : Where so you suppose she's been?

  Buddy Sorrell : I have no idea.

  Jerry Helper : Hey, where you been?

  Laura Petrie : Come on in.

  Sally Rogers : Wait, are you ready for the big surprise? I want you to meet my new date.

  [Mr. Evans enters] 

  Buddy Sorrell : Hey, what a dip.

  Rob Petrie : Sal, I'm glad you brought him here. Let's get him.

  [everyone lunges at Mr. Evans] 

• Laura Petrie : Oh, those are pretty wild slippers.

  Rob Petrie : Wild, honey? They're still alive. Listen.

  [makes fast movements with his reet] 

  Laura Petrie : Judging by debris, I'd say we had a very successful party.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah. Boy, what presents. This is even better than our wedding.

  Laura Petrie : What are you talking about? We got great presents at our wedding.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, but all these presents are mine.

  [imitates a samurai] 

  Rob Petrie : Ha!

  Laura Petrie : Would you tell me why in the world Buddy gave you a samurai sword?

  Rob Petrie : Honey, Buddy shops at the war surplus store. It was either this or green underwear.

  Laura Petrie : What are you going to do with it?

  Rob Petrie : Well, I figure if I run out of blades, you know...

  [moves the sword in a shaving-like notion] 

  Laura Petrie : Why don't you see if you can trade it in for green underwear?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Laura Petrie : You really did get some nice presents.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Laura Petrie : What was your favorite present?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I think the stuffed cabbage Millie's mother sent.

  Laura Petrie : Oh!

  Rob Petrie : Oh, alright, honey, you know I liked the watch the best.

  Laura Petrie : Are you sure?

  Rob Petrie : Well, of course I'm sure. What a ridiculous question.

  Laura Petrie : Well, I mean, you hardly tried it on.

  Rob Petrie : Yes, I did, honey. The wristband was a little too loose, that's all. It kept sliding off my wrist.

  Laura Petrie : Oh. Well, it's adjustable, isn't it?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah. I need to take a couple of links out of it, that's all. I'll probably do it myself.

  Laura Petrie : No, don't, Rob, I don't want you to break it. Why don't you let a jeweler do it?

  Rob Petrie : It must be a pretty expensive watch with all those dials and dates and everything.

  Laura Petrie : Well, you deserve it.

  Rob Petrie : Hey, I'm gonna get it. It's almost midnight. We can watch it go from Thursday to Friday.

  Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, I knew you'd love that watch the minute I saw it. It tells the day of the week, the minute, the second. It tells the hour. It tells everything.

  Rob Petrie : Wish it could tell us where it was.

  Laura Petrie : What?

  Rob Petrie : It's gone.

• Laura Petrie : Hi!

  Millie Helper : I'm returning all the things I ever borrowed from you so you won't start saying I stole them.

  Laura Petrie : Millie, nobody ever said you stole anything.

  Millie Helper : Yeah, well, that guy Evans didn't come over to try a glass slipper on me.

  Laura Petrie : Evans was at your house?

  Millie Helper : Boy, I've never been so humiliated in my entire life.

  Laura Petrie : Millie, believe me, Rob and I told Mr. Evans that you couldn't possibly have done it.

  Millie Helper : What a third degree. You'd think I'd stolen some government secrets instead of Rob's watch. That's not what I mean.

  Laura Petrie : I know that.

  Millie Helper : Well, just the same, I want you to take all these things back.

  Laura Petrie : Millie, will you stop it?

  Millie Helper : No, you check them over. If that guy Evans comes over with a search warrant, I don't want him seeing your things in my house.

  [referring to a shoe] 

  Millie Helper : Uh, the dog chewed up the other one, and I'll get you a new pair. You look them over.

  Laura Petrie : Millie, I will do no such thing.

  Millie Helper : No, look them over. I don't want anybody saying I have something that doesn't belong to me.

  Laura Petrie : All right, everything's here. Except my cheese grater.

  Millie Helper : Well, I gave that to Sadie Stein.

  Laura Petrie : You gave my cheese grater to Sadie Stein?

  Millie Helper : She said it was her cheese grater.

  Laura Petrie : It is her cheese grater.

  Millie Helper : None of us is perfect, Laura.

  Laura Petrie : Millie, I know I'm not perfect, and I also know that my very best friend isn't a thief.

  Millie Helper : Well, then you must have another very best friend, because boy, do I feel suspected.

  Laura Petrie : Okay, Millie, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call Rob right now and have him fire the entire insurance company.

  Millie Helper : No, the damage is done, and you might shop around for a new dentist. Jerry's returning your X-rays.

  Laura Petrie : Millie!

  Rob Petrie : Honey, it's me.

  Millie Helper : Well, I'm going. I know Rob doesn't want to see me any more than I want to see him.

  Laura Petrie : Oh, well, now that's ridiculous.

  Rob Petrie : Honey... Oh, hi, Millie. Millie, uh, could I speak to Laura a minute, please?

  Millie Helper : Well, of course. You can't very well talk behind my back to my face, can you?

  Rob Petrie : What's she doing with Ritchie's wagon?

  [Millie sets the wagon down] 

  Laura Petrie : I guess you're wondering what caused that.

  Rob Petrie : I know what caused that. Evans. Boy, is he fast. He shouldn't be in the insurance, he ought to be in the Olympics. Mel's mad me. Buddy, Sally.

  Laura Petrie : I am so sorry I ever had that party.

• Rob Petrie : [at dinner]  This is good, whatever it is.

  Laura Petrie : Told you, chicken paprikash. Laslo at the garage gave me the recipe.

  Rob Petrie : Mm. No wonder it tastes greasy.

  Laura Petrie : Rob. I'm the last friend you've got. Don't push me.

• Laura Petrie : Everyone will come except the crook.

  Rob Petrie : Hey that's right. He never does in the movies, does he? That's not a bad idea to have anther little party.

  Laura Petrie : It might be interesting to see who doesn't show up.

• Laura Petrie : Well, I called Buddy, Sal, Mel, Jerry, and Millie.

  Rob Petrie : Anybody turn us down?

  Laura Petrie : Buddy, Sal, Mel, Jerry, and Millie.

  Rob Petrie : Well that does it. They all took it. It's a syndicate.