- Paul Nichols: [answering a knock on the door and appearing with only one fake mutton chop] Is that you, honey?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: No sweetheart, police officers.
- [showing his police badge]
- Paul Nichols: I didn't call the police.
- Officer Bill Gannon: You should have called your barber.
- Paul Nichols: What did we do that was so terrible? We weren't greedy. In two years we've only taken about forty-thousand. Most people would have taken a lot more.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Correction, fellow. Most people wouldn't have taken anything.
- Paul Nichols: What's forty-thousand dollars to the state of California?
- Officer Bill Gannon: It's called embezzlement.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Do you think this Fisher's our boy?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: If he's got muddy E's and big loops, he's our boy."