- Nancy Bradford: [after being caught sunbathing topless] All I took off was my top. You call that nude?
- Tom Bradford: I call it disgraceful. Oh, you've got more blouses in this house than anybody else. Unless you're in a bubble bath or the shower, I want you to wear one, do you understand?
- Nancy Bradford: I was just getting a tan for my job.
- Tom Bradford: Oh, no. Now don't tell me that the health food restaurant has gone topless.
- Nancy Bradford: Of course not, daddy. But my boss, Avocado Sunrise, wants all the waitresses to look as healthy as the food. And he says, strap marks clash with the sandwiches.
- Tom Bradford: Just because your employer has overdosed on alfalfa sprouts there's no reason to disgrace the family with semi-nakedness.
- Nancy Bradford: I was in the privacy of my own backyard.
- Tom Bradford: Correction, the privacy of my backyard where my daughters stay dressed.
- Nancy Bradford: Daddy, you're a prude.
- Tom Bradford: Better off prude, than half nude.
- Joannie Bradford: Dad, don't you think it's time you respected us as adults.
- Tom Bradford: When you are considerate of the people that you live with then I will respect you as an adult.
- Joannie Bradford: Okay, dad, okay.
- Tom Bradford: No, it's not okay. I don't consider this incident to be another insignificant transgression that can easily be overlooked.
- Joannie Bradford: Dad, I said I'm sorry, and I promise it won't happen again.
- Tom Bradford: That's right, it won't happen again. Not in the near future anyway because for the next three weeks you're grounded.
- Joannie Bradford: Grounded?
- Tom Bradford: Grounded.
- Susan Bradford: Oh, dad, you don't understand at all. He's not a nude stranger. His name is Danny, he happens to be my tennis partner. And he was hot and sweaty.
- Tom Bradford: So am I, under the collar.
- Susan Bradford: Oh, good grief, dad. He was just takin' a shower.
- Tom Bradford: Susan, do I have to remind you about the rules of allowing men up on the second floor in the vicinity of bedrooms.
- Susan Bradford: Dad, they don't even have those rules in colleges anymore.
- Tom Bradford: Right, that's their problem.
- Mary Bradford: Dad, don't you think you're overdoing this enforcer bit a little? I mean, he left five minutes ago and there's nobody upstairs now.
- Tom Bradford: That's not the point, the point is, suppose Elizabeth were to go upstairs and see a strange man walking around with a towel wrapped around him.
- Mary Bradford: Well, knowing Elizabeth, there probably be nothing left but the towel.
- Tom Bradford: Susan, I would appreciate a little more discretion on your part, when it comes to allowing strange men sweaty or not, to use the bathroom. Our family bathroom, to take a shower.
- Susan Bradford: Okay, dad.
- Tom Bradford: You know, our house is not a locker room.
- Susan Bradford: I get the message, alright?
- Tom Bradford: Good, thought you would.
- Susan Bradford: Phew, think will ever get him into the 20th century?
- Mary Bradford: Hmm.. Not till we get him out of the 18th.