- Ari Gold: I tell you what, Domino's is hiring. Why don't you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati? Now that is comedy.
- Eric Murphy: Getting dragged through your office in front of your entire staff by a guy half your size, now that's tragedy.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, I remember my first national commercial.
- Eric Murphy: Oh, what was that, Valtrex?
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Yeah, it was, so fucking what? Got me my Fiat, plus I got a blowjob from the makeup girl who put my sores on.
- Eric Murphy: Ari, I'm getting killed here. Vince isn't happy.
- Ari Gold: Of course he's not happy. Nobody's happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me, I'm miserable... that's why I'm rich.
- Eric Murphy: He says he doesn't wanna do a commercial... that's it.
- Ari Gold: For half a million dollars.
- Vincent Chase: What was the director's name again?
- Ari Gold: Cha-ching! I'm sorry... Chaing Chung, boom!
- Ari Gold: I got the cash you wanted.
- Eric Murphy: Oh yeah? What, did you dust your tranny gear and hit Santa Monica Blvd.?
- Turtle: All right. Let's get this over with. Where do I take the piss test?
- X-Box Girl: The what?
- Turtle: The drug test. I drank three bottles of water in the car for this, so could we just get this over with, please?
- X-Box Girl: This is X-box, loser... not the Olympics. We don't give drug tests. If we did, we'd be out of business, idiot.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Sucker!
- Vince: [re landing part in James Cameron movie] There's nothing we can do. It's out of our hands.
- Eric Murphy: Yeah, I know, but if he sees Queen's Boulevard...
- Vince: We're gonna earn five hundred thousand dollars - half a mil - for the day's work tomorrow.
- [Eric nods]
- Vince: I'm not getting myself down. You know, my father didn't make that in his whole life.
- Eric Murphy: Mine neither. He owed it though.
- [Vince snickers]
- Vince: So forget about Aquaman. If it's meant to be, it is meant to be, otherwise, fuck it! Hey! Besides! If the worst comes to the worst, we'll always have Turtle.
- Eric Murphy: Yeah. We'll always have Turtle.
- [both chuckle]
- Ari Gold: Guess who Cameron wants to play Aquaman's mother?
- Eric Murphy: I don't know, Ari. Cloris Leachman?
- Ari Gold: Uh-uh. Sharon Stone. Guess who represents Sharon Stone?
- Eric Murphy: You do.
- Ari Gold: Uh-huh. Take a guess who Sharon Stone is absolutely in love with?
- [to Eric:]
- Ari Gold: It ain't you, you little bitch.
- [to Vince:]
- Ari Gold: It's you.
- Vincent Chase: Really? Like love-love?
- Ari Gold: Well, she told Cameron last night at dinner, her favorite actor in this town is *you.*
- Vincent Chase: Sharon Stone said that?
- Ari Gold: *Absolutely!*
- Vincent Chase: She's still good looking.
- Ari Gold: Yeah, in the right light.