Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

The Plan (2003)

Ray Romano: Ray Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Debra Barone : What else, what else have you faked?

  Ray Barone : Nothing! Debra, come on!

  Debra Barone : The bed?

  Ray Barone : Now wait a minute, that's one place I always give 110 percent!

  Debra Barone : I mean making the bed! In ten years, you haven't made the bed because

  [imitates Ray] 

  Debra Barone : "I'm no good at tucking." Admit it, you faked it, you faker!

• Debra Barone : [Holding up Ray's shirt]  Fold this.

  Ray Barone : What?

  Debra Barone : Fold this shirt!

  Ray Barone : Why?

  Debra Barone : When we first got married, and you used to fold stuff, I would think, "How could he be so bad at this; look at all the wrinkles!" And now I know. You faked it!

  Ray Barone : What?

  Debra Barone : Admit it! You faked it so I would do it for you!

  Ray Barone : No! No! There was no fake!

  Debra Barone : Then explain to me how you can't fold a shirt! Explain to me how an adult human with thumbs is not able to do that!

  Ray Barone : I don't know, it's embarrassing!

• Debra Barone : What else Ray, huh? What else! You don't do anything in the kitchen! You don't buy groceries! You...

  [pauses] 

  Debra Barone : diapers! Three kids and you only changed like ten diapers in your whole life!

  [imitates Ray] 

  Debra Barone : "I can't do it, the diapers keep falling off!"

  Ray Barone : It's not my fault the kids have no hips!

• Debra Barone : Robert told us about the help you gave him? Faking incompetence so he wouldn't have to do anything for his own wedding? Amy's a mess!

  Ray Barone : Okay, look. Robert, he didn't explain it right! Stupid, stupid Robert!

  [stammering] 

  Ray Barone : It's... it's... it's to make Amy's life easier!

  Debra Barone : It's to make his life easier! You told him to screw up their wedding! What is wrong with you? It's their wedding! Would you have done that with our wedding? Would you have purposely done some...

  [pauses to remember Ray's "One Man Wedding Band" for music, then glares at Ray] 

  Debra Barone : The one man wedding band! I cannot believe you! You just scammed me so you could do nothing!

  Ray Barone : What? Th-that was no scam! No! He sounded great in the subway! No!

  [stammering] 

  Ray Barone : I... I... Hey, it turned out great! You got a kick ass band, damn woman.

  [goes to hug Debra, only for Debra to resist the hug and stomp on Ray's foot] 

  Ray Barone : Okay! Ow!

• Debra Barone : [holds up Ray's shirt]  Fold this.

  Ray Barone : I can't!

  Debra Barone : Fold it, you fake husband! Fold it!

  [Debra tries to force the shirt into Ray's hands] 

  Ray Barone : No! Stop! No! No!

  [takes the shirt] 

  Debra Barone : I have had it, Ray. The jig is up.

  [turns around to head upstairs] 

  Ray Barone : [following Debra until the living room]  What jig? Come on, me not being able to do that stuff, that's not fake! There's no jig! I don't have a jig!

  [sighs, then throws his shirt down] 

  Ray Barone : Robert! You try to help a guy...

• Frank Barone : Now stop ignoring me, and make me some lunch! I'm feeling... pot roasty.

  Marie Barone : Make it yourself.

  Frank Barone : [horrified]  Myself? What are you talking about?

  Marie Barone : I'm on to you. You pretend to be a stupid ass so I can wait on you hand and foot. It's over.

  [Frank sits down, realizing his jig is up] 

  Ray Barone : Dad, you just gonna take that?

  Frank Barone : 45 years, I had a good run.

• Debra Barone : TV, VCR. It's all you care about. I swear, Ray. The only time you call me during the day is if you want me to tape stuff for you because you're running late.

  Ray Barone : Not "stuff." Games that I have to watch for work, okay? So I can buy food and electricity for the children. By the way, I don't know why I ask you to tape anything because you never do it right!

  Frank Barone : [to Marie]  Yeah!

  Ray Barone : [turns to Frank]  She can't figure out the damn VCR; how hard is it to tape something? I mean, If I can do it...

  [pauses to consider that Debra might be faking it as well, turns around to face Debra] 

  Ray Barone : Faker!

  Debra Barone : What?

  Ray Barone : You could use the VCR, but you don't want to, so you pretend not to be able to. Faker!

  Debra Barone : That is idiotic.

  Ray Barone : No, it's right-iotic! Well, the shoe's on the other foot now! Uncomfortable and smelly, is it not?

  Frank Barone : [to Marie]  You know what, I'm starting to think you could shovel the driveway!

• Marie Barone : The truth is, dear, you're allowed to be mad at him. In fact, keeping that anger bottled up can be bad for your health.

  Frank Barone : That's why this one will live to be 100.

  Debra Barone : Amy, you don't have to let him off the hook so easily. What he did was hurtful. Just like Ray and his one man zipper band.

  Ray Barone : He didn't play the zipper. That was his name.

  [Debra sighs] 

• Amy MacDougall Barone : Is this what happens? Is this what marriage has become for you guys? Robert and I are getting married, and I want us to be honest and trusting, and I hope those feelings will only get stronger the longer we're together. I'm sorry, I just... I want to get married because I know how great it can be. Maybe it isn't easy, but I think it's worth going for.

  Robert Barone : I think so too. Come on, Amy.

  [Robert and Amy head for the exit] 

  Robert Barone : See you guys later.

  [Robert and Amy exit, leaving the other Barones in the kitchen to contemplate what Amy said] 

  Ray Barone : Wow.

  Debra Barone : Yeah.

  [puts her hand on Ray's shoulder] 

  Debra Barone : Remember when we were that stupid?