F.C. De Kampioenen (TV Series)

Alleen is maar alleen (1991)

Johny Voners: Xavier Waterslaeghers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Xavier : Pascale, "dish of the day" pint.

  [Pico sits with the women, gestures to Xavier to bring a drink] 

  Pico : Ladies, don't mind me, huh. Feel free to gossip further.

  Carmen : Aren't you thirsty after such a hard training session?

  Pico : Xavier went to get me something.

  Carmen : So you're not thirsty?

  Pico : May I know what the ladies are discussing so intensely about?

  Doortje : Women's problems, Pico. Women only.

  [Xavier joins them, instead of getting Pico something to drink, he got himself two pints; Pico frowns flabbergasted, gets up, heads for the counter] 

  Xavier : Bring me something too, will you Pico?

  Pico : Yeah, come get it yourself.

  Xavier : What's gotten into him?

  Carmen : *Who* do you think?

  Xavier : Oh was he sitting too close to Bieke again?

  Bieke : Watch your tone, Xavier.

  Doortje : You know, you're a big egotist, Xavier. You know that?

  Xavier : Who me?

  Carmen : A *big* egotist? No. One *fat* egotist. That's who he is.

  Xavier : Understood. You won't be bothered by me anymore.

  [he gets up] 

  Carmen : That's very nice of you.

  [he leaves their table] 

  Xavier : Pascale, do me another pint. And give Pico something, too. Pico, what's wrong with them?

  Pico : 'Women's problems', Xavier. Women only'.

• Dimitri : [Xavier calls Dimitri, as a woman, with Pico not saying anything; he's just listening to the conversation]  DDT Cars. At your service.

  Xavier : [with high voice]  Is this contact 6-8-8-6?

  Dimitri : I beg your pardon? With whom do I have the honor?

  Xavier : Err. You don't know me but I know you. Are you a dignified, dynamic technician? Pressuring although tender?

  Dimitri : [nervous]  DDT? Yes. That's me. Aren't you, err? Where's the newspaper? Doortje. Newspaper. Hurry up.

  [Doortje gives him the newspaper] 

  Dimitri : [nervously reads the ad]  Meet this classy lady. Hello?

  Xavier : You're moving pretty fast, mister uh?

  Dimitri : Dimitri De Tremmerie. 'Dimitri' comes from the Russian name Dimitri, 'De' from the French 'of' and 'Tremmerie' from the Flemish word 'Tremmerie'. And you are?

  Xavier : That's of no interest for the moment. I was thinking: "Let's contact and hear first". The color of a voice can tell so much.

  Dimitri : Yes, the color of a voice says a lot, eh. Your voice, I must say, is err.

  Xavier : [caughs]  A lady in my position can never be too careful, Mr. De Mitriti. With all those macho types these days. Are you that way?

  Dimitri : No, no. Can we see each other, uh? How do I put this.

  Xavier : [Pico grants him a beer, mostly on Pico refilling his glass of beer which Dimitri can't see]  Whatever you want. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? You probably know what I'm waiting for. I mean, if you've got a sensitive nature.

  Dimitri : Absolutely. It seems that all my life I've waited for just this day. Maybe a little more than you.

  Xavier : It's not easy for a widow. We are an easy target. So many men only want me for my money. Money and getting laid. Are you a widower, Mr. Mitriti?

  [Dimitri chokes on his glass of water] 

  Dimitri : Yes. I always have been. Pardon me. I mean I never had a wife and I think you have to wait until she calls you. Hello?

  Xavier : I don't know what to do. I've been hurt before. My husband was a celebrity, so you see why I can't give you my name, uh?

  Dimitri : No, it's alright. Give it later. I figured we could meet one of these days. From one person to another.

  Xavier : A rendezvous? So fast? I'm overwhelmed. Just because you have a fortune doesn't mean you cannot hurt my feelings, Mr. De Brommerie.

  Dimitri : I won't hurt you. Hello?

  [Carmen comes home] 

  Carmen : What on earth is going on here?

  Xavier : [to Dimitri, hanging up the phone]  My cleaning lady's just coming in. I must go.

• Dimitri : [at Dimitri's there's a knock on the door in the morning; Xavier prank calls Dimitri, passing off as a woman] 

  Dimitri : I can't open the zipper.

  [he kicks his foot through his sleeping bag] 

  Dimitri : I can't fly, you know!

  [he trips over his sleeping bag, he opens his door] 

  Dimitri : Ah, Doortje.

  Doortje : Did you oversleep?

  Dimitri : I didn't sleep a wink, you know.

  Doortje : Really?

  [his phone rings] 

  Dimitri : The phone, Doortje. Come on hurry, answer that phone, Doortje.

  [he stumbles once more] 

  Doortje : I can't fly, you know. What if it's that woman?

  Dimitri : Answer the phone.

  Doortje : Maybe she'll think it's weird if there's a woman here.

  Dimitri : You're right. Say nothing.

  [he answers the call himself] 

  Dimitri : Hello?

  Xavier : [with high-pitched womanlike voice]  Hello, mister?

  Dimitri : Ma'am, is it you?

  Xavier : Yes, it's me.

  [Dimitri briefly puts the phone down] 

  Dimitri : Doortje, it's her.

  [he talks to 'the lady' again] 

  Dimitri : It's me, too.

  Xavier : You see, I've reconsidered everything, Mr. Mitriti.

  Dimitri : It's Dimitri. You didn't change your mind, did you?

  Xavier : No, I haven't. How's an exploratory conversation for you?

  Dimitri : Exploratory? By the phone?

  Xavier : No, I mean a tête-à-tête. With a glass of wine and in an intimate and secret establishment.

  Dimitri : That sounds very discrete. Where? If I may be so indiscrete?

  Xavier : I'll leave that to your imagination. You do have imagination, don't you, Dimitri?

  Dimitri : [quick, he's nervous]  I've got plenty of it, you know. Doortje, she wants to see me.

  [he listens to 'the lady' again] 

  Xavier : Something rural, maybe? Something intimate?

  Dimitri : Doortje, she wants *something intimately rural*.

  Doortje : [purposefully]  The *clubhouse* of de Kampioenen.

  Dimitri : There?

  Doortje : The Crucke family isn't home on Mondays.

  Xavier : Can't find anything, Dimitri?

  Dimitri : There's plenty of choice, but it has to be good as well, you know. For instance, De Kampioen.

  Xavier : Err, excuse me?

  Dimitri : That is a cafe that is very intimate on Mondays.

  Xavier : I look at my calendar. Monday night works fine for me.

  Dimitri : Shall I come get you with my car?

  Xavier : Let's say eight o'clock at the station, and you carry three red roses.

  Dimitri : And what will you be wearing?

  Xavier : [accidentally with his own voice]  Err, I wear nothing.

  [he corrects himself] 

  Xavier : Err, a double cleavage.

  [he hangs up] 

  Dimitri : A double cleavage? Hello?

  [he hangs up, stares ahead dreaming] 

• Oscar : [opening lines; he's cleaning the cafe on closing day]  Lift your feet. Shouldn't you go home?

  Xavier : I worked nightshift at the barracks.

  Oscar : What's the difference for you not to go home then?

  Xavier : After work I need to relax, otherwise I can't sleep.

  Oscar : Can't relax at home?

  Xavier : No, Carmen's asleep.

  Oscar : Well, it's for that very reason. Shouldn't it?

  Xavier : And moreover, we're out of beer.

  Oscar : Beer on an empty stomach is unhealthy.

  Xavier : Who says I'm sober?

  Oscar : Finish your pint and go read your newspaper at home.

  Xavier : We're not subscribed to a newspaper.

  [Xavier sees an ad in the newspaper, Oscar knocks over his bucket] 

  Xavier : Hahaha.

  Oscar : Is there anything to laugh about then?

  Xavier : No, it's this right here. 'M lks fr wmn'. 'Man looks for woman', that is. 'Sks cpny. Mge psbl.' Hahaha.

  Oscar : Don't you have anything better to do?

  Xavier : These are advertisements *to catch birds*, you know what I mean.

  Oscar : You shouldn't laugh at it. They're often very lonely people.

  [photographer Marijke returns from Oscar's living room] 

  Xavier : Ah, Marijke. You're there even earlier than me, I see.

  Marijke : I'm a morning person, you know.

  Xavier : Me, too. Me, too.

  Oscar : Right. Sure you are.

  Xavier : [talks her taking photos]  And? Did you let the *bird fly*?

  Marijke : No, we viewed photos. You know, of Bieke's playback show.

  Xavier : Can I see them?

  Marijke : Sure, I guess. It's not a bad idea. Then you can say which photo is best to make a poster.

  [Xavier looks at Bieke's photos, he's very impressed] 

  Oscar : Make sure your eyes don't fall out of your head, huh?

  Xavier : Ma donna.

  Marijke : No, Bieke.

  Xavier : Sure but, beautiful uh. Very beautiful. She looks like Madonna.

  Oscar : Yeah come on, it's alright.

  [he takes the photos out of Xavier's hands, lays them on the table] 

  Marijke : Artistic also very responsible, don't you think?

  Xavier : Yes, and a very nice composition.

  [he takes the photos again] 

  Xavier : And everything nicely balanced. Everything *very cleanly balanced*.

  [Oscar looks at Xavier angrily] 

• Xavier : For me this is the most beautiful. Without any doubt.

  Oscar : No, definitely not that one.

  Xavier : No, I mean it is, isn't it? It focuses on her face.

  Bieke : And what do you think of this one, Dad?

  Oscar : I don't know, it's kinda...

  Marijke : It may have *something*, right?

  Oscar : Sure, sure. That one then.

  Xavier : But that's just her head, isn't it?

  Oscar : Is there something wrong with her head then?

  Xavier : No, not at all. Bieke has a *very pretty* face. But she does have a few other things too.

  [Bieke smiles at him, Dimitri enters; he's mad] 

  Dimitri : Corporal - You thought you could park your scoundrel on my road, didn't you?

  Xavier : Is he talking to me?

  Dimitri : Are there any more corporals in here?

  Xavier : Corporals? No. Delinquent payers on the other hand. Right, Oscar?

  Oscar : Yes, Dimitri. You still have an account open, you know.

  [he keeps looking mad, he's getting sore] 

  Xavier : Oscar says something to you.

  Dimitri : Don't change the subject 'cause that won't work.

  Xavier : Me, changing subjects?

  Dimitri : [literally says it like that]  Your car's in my way, and it needs to get out of my way.

  Oscar : Who's in the way?

  Dimitri : *He* is.

  Oscar : Ah.

  [Dimitri and Xavier get closer to each other, they're now facing each other] 

  Xavier : It's standing there, Dimitri, because Carmen washed it the other day.

  Dimitri : Excuse me?

  Xavier : And there's mud laying there, and I don't drive my car through it.

  Dimitri : Why not?

  Xavier : 'Cause I don't want a fight with Carmen. That's why.

  Dimitri : That's why, you say?

  Xavier : Yes. And 'cause you're too stingy to harden *your way* with pebble. You understand? Pebble. That's what rattles when you shake your head.

  Dimitri : Put your car aside now, or...

  Xavier : No.

  Dimitri : Now!

  Oscar : Guys, please...

  Dimitri : Put your tin can away or accidents will happen.

  Xavier : Don't try and blackmail me.

  Dimitri : I warned you.

  Xavier : Didn't hear anything.

  Dimitri : I won't be fooled.

  [he gets out, as he does so he runs against the door; they laugh] 

  Bieke : Wouldn't it be better to park your car someplace else, Xavier?

  Xavier : Absolutely not. If he had asked politely. Then yes.

  [moments later, Dimitri will tow his car and topple it on its side enraging Xavier] 

• Xavier : I would have loved to see DDT's face.

  Pico : Doortje saw his face, didn't you, Doortje?

  Doortje : It was worth it, you know. He was going mental.

  Bieke : So why did I have to come here?

  Xavier : Well, errr. I made the appointment with him but - You have to go there.

  Bieke : Huh? Me?

  Pico : Dress up, Bieke. He won't recognize you.

  Bieke : I can't.

  Xavier : Sure you can.

  Pico : You look like Madonna in those pictures. You know, I wouldn't have recognized you there.

  Bieke : A photo isn't like in real life.

  Xavier : You can do it. Doortje, you make sure that DDT's on fire.

  Doortje : I thought it was a good joke, but this is going too far.

  Xavier : And what about the joke with my car?

  Doortje : That's something else entirely. You should never play with someone else's feelings.

  Pico : Doortje, don't be silly now, uh.

  Bieke : No, Doortje's right.

  Xavier : It's just for laughs.

  Bieke : I don't know about it. Why don't you let Carmen take care of it?

  Xavier : Carmen would love to do it, you know. And I'd love having her do it. But seriously, you can't expect Carmen to dress up like a classy lady, can you?

  [Bieke smiles] 

  Pico : Our wives can't do that, Bieke.

  Doortje : Hey, watch your words, will you?

  Xavier : [advances]  Not that many people should know about it or it goes wrong.

  Pico : Don't tell your mom and dad. Your mom likes to gossip too much while your dad wants to do it too well every time.

  [scene shifts, later that day at his home Oscar is called by Boma] 

  Oscar : So, Mr. President, you need the cafe?

  Balthasar "the Ball" Boma : Monday night, yes. Then the cafe's closed anyway.

  Oscar : Sure. Is it a party?

  Balthasar "the Ball" Boma : Business, Oscar. It's a business party. You need to have relations in life.

  Oscar : You mean business relations?

  Balthasar "the Ball" Boma : Yes, but privately. I don't want to be bothered. Don't you have somewhere to go that evening?

  Oscar : Pascale and I will visit her sister then.

  Balthasar "the Ball" Boma : Good idea.

  Oscar : We'll be gone by seven.

  Balthasar "the Ball" Boma : That's perfect, Oscar. Thanks, and say 'Hi' to Pascale for me. Bye, Oscar. Xavier, you're a genius.

  [he hangs up; then a twist as Xavier and Pico are revealed to be in Boma's office]