- Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross.
- Harriette Winslow: Then clean it up. I'm still on strike.
- Laura Lee Winslow: [pushes some things aside] I can't pitch in right now. I promised Grandma I'd help her get ready.
- Harriette Winslow: For what?
- Laura Lee Winslow: Tonight is the charity bachelor auction.
- Harriette Winslow: Oh, Lord. Remember last year when she bought that date with the retired underwear model?
- Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that he modeled ladies' underwear?
- Carl Winslow: Edward, when I talk to people I tell them that my son has a straight A average, he's smart, witty, and hey, he's even better looking than Denzel Washington. You see when I lie, I lie UP. I put my family up on pedestals because that's where I think they belong.
- Carl Winslow: You know, Eddie, I'm a cop, every day I see families who really have problems, and that kind of tragedy is nothing to make light of.
- Carl Winslow: [after declaring himself the big Kahuna] The hut's a mess! So, my little wahini, why don't you go hula yourself into the laundry room and wash the Big Kahuna's wicki-wicki?
- Harriette Winslow: Either the big Kahuna has had one too many mai-tais, or he has his head up his volcano. Because there is NO WAY this little wahini, is going anywhere near your wicki-wicki.
- Carl Winslow: How'd it go?
- Harriette Winslow: Well I explained to her why the house is buried under three feet of garbage, and I think she gets know why you were going out to score drugs, but she's still got a problem with your mother going out to buy men.
- Carl Winslow: Harriette, please explain to Miss Connors that we are are a kind, loving family. And while you're doing that, I'll be in the kitchen, killing our son.
- Harriette Winslow: I work 60 hours a week, but that's not enough, is it? I'm also expected to cook chickens, iron crispy shirts, and bake brownies for the whole world!
- Harriette Winslow: That is it! I have asked you all time and again to help me out! Well now you're gonna find out what it's like to have to fend for yourselves, Harriette Winslow is going on strike!
- Laura Lee Winslow: Ooh, Grandma you look beautiful.
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh, thanks honey I hope 200 bucks is enough to buy me a decent man.
- Laura Lee Winslow: Well, you just be patient and don't buy the first guy that you see.
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It's a recession, sugar. I might able to buy two.