- Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. When's it going to end?
- Carl: When I bulldoze his house!
- Harriette: Don't even think like that. You're setting a bad example for the kids. Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'.
- Carl: 'Nick and Carl'?
- Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so... tight! I can almost see what you had for lunch!
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I almost wore that same suit.
- Lionel: Really? Hey, what were you doing in my closet?
- Laura Lee Winslow: This is a geek party.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority!
- Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus,dweeb.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true?
- Allison: Yeah
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: That's really mean
- Kimberly: It's just harmless fun
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people.That ain't harmless
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I may not be the trendiest or best looking guy on campus but I like myself and that makes me cool.
- Allison: I'm sorry.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You bet you are because you're gonna miss out on 153 pounds of raging testosterone. Say goodbye to that baby.
- Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend.
- Allison: Well then you better find some new friends, or you better plan to join a different sororiety.
- Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras.