Frasier (TV Series)

A Lilith Thanksgiving (1996)

Bebe Neuwirth: Dr. Lilith Sternin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lilith : I'm nearly done defrosting.

  Niles : And the turkey?

  Lilith : Might I suggest you stuff it?

• [Niles is preparing Thanksgiving turkey in Lilith's kitchen] 

  Niles : Where do you keep your saffron?

  Lilith : Third cupboard.

  Niles : Mm-hmm, and where do you keep your shallots?

  Lilith : In the crisper. By the way, you still have to remove the entrails from the chest cavity.

  Niles : In that case, where do you keep your ten-foot pole?

• Dr. Campbell : I don't know how this started, I can only be sure it started with the two of you.

  Lilith : Actually...

  Dr. Campbell : I will die a happy man if I never set eyes on either of you again.

  [They look heartbroken] 

  Dr. Campbell : Unfortunately, there is only one way I can think of to ensure that: your son Frederick is hereby admitted to the Marbury School.

  Frasier : [They are both ecstatic]  Oh!

  Dr. Campbell : [holds up a hand]  However! - he will immediately be expelled if either of you violates any of the following conditions: you will not bring him to school, you will not collect him; you will not attend any recitals, plays, sporting events, or school functions, up to and including "Frederick Crane Day," should we ever have one.

  [He leads them to the door] 

  Dr. Campbell : And when graduation comes, you will dispatch an appropriate envoy with a video camera. And now it is with great pleasure that I bid you goodbye - forever!

  Frasier : Allow me.

  Lilith , Frasier : [He slams the door on himself and Lilith. Cut to the porch as Lilith and Frasier look at each other smugly]  We're in!

• Lilith : Frasier, if you over-analyze every detail, you will rob us of the joy of the moment. It will be our wedding night all over again.

• Martin : Nice neighborhood. I noticed a whole bunch of kids Freddie's age playing in the street.

  Lilith : Yes, he's spent many happy hours at his window observing their play patterns.

• Dr. Lilith Sternin : Does my makeup look okay?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well you could use a pinch.

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : Do I have time to touch up?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No no, a pinch.

  [reaches over and pinches Lilith's cheeks] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : There.

• Frasier : My God, are you half as nervous as I am?

  Lilith : And then some.

  Frasier : We have got to master our nerves. It is vital that we appear to be well-adjusted, responsible parents. Lilith, do you still keep the Valium with the contraceptives?

  Lilith : Sorry, I needed the last one just to go in and pick up the application.

  Frasier : I'll assume you meant the Valium.

  Lilith : Perhaps before the interview, you should sheath that butter-knife sharp wit of yours.

  Frasier : Perhaps we could find the appropriate kitchen tool to ratchet down that butt of yours a notch or two!

• Frasier : We've always had our differences but we've been able to put them aside for the welfare of Frederick.

  Lilith : And this may be the most important thing we ever do to ensure his happiness.

  Frasier : Not counting our divorce.