Frasier (TV Series)

A Mid-Winter Night's Dream (1994)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daphne : Dr. Crane...

  Niles : Yes, Daphne?

  Daphne : We're losing the fire!

  Niles : No we're not, it's burning with the heat of a thousand suns!

• Niles : Double Cappuccino, half-caf, not-fat milk, with just enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing but not so much that it leaves a moustache.

  Eric : Cinnamon or chocolate on that?

  Niles : Oh, they make this so complicated.

• Daphne : I feel very close to you.

  Niles : I feel very close to you too Daphne. You know it's easy being someone you feel close to when you feel close to someone who's so close.

• Niles : There I was lying in wait, with my little plastic knife clenched between my teeth, when the closet door was flung open and I found myself face to face with the upstairs maid. She began screaming what I gather were some very unflattering things in idiomatic Guatemalan, when Maris stumbled upon the scene and completely misconstrued it. The next thing I knew she ordered me out of the house! I barely had time to grab my pantaloons and buckle my swash.

• Niles : The truth is, Maris and I are in a bit of a rut. We seem to have lapsed into this grey, numbing blandness.

  Frasier : Well, that's perfectly normal in a relationship of some years. Maybe you should try spicing things up a bit?

  Niles : You mean, boudoir wise?

  Frasier : For starters, yeah.

  Niles : Like how?

  Frasier : Well, the two of you could... well, you could... well, it's you and Maris, so you could... I'm stumped.

• Niles : Just remember that she can't have shellfish... poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulfites, MSG, or dairy. Did I say nuts?

  Frasier : Oh, I think that's implied.

• [Niles shows up at Frasier's house wearing a pirate costume, saying that Maris has kicked him out] 

  Niles : There's a perfectly reasonably explanation for the way I'm dressed.

  Frasier : All right, just keep in mind that I reserve the right to say "stop" at any time.

  Niles : Well, my plan was to leave a treasure map downstairs for Maris with clues that would lead her to my whereabouts. Then I'd hide in the linen closet and wait for her to find me.

  Martin : Dressed like that?

  Niles : Actually no, at the time I was wearing only my eye-patch. Although, technically is it still an eye-patch if you're wearing it on your-?

  Frasier : STOP!

• [Niles's romantic plans went awry when the maid discovered him waiting in the linen closet, nude] 

  Niles : I'll never be able to face the maid again.

  Martin : I don't think it's your face she'll remember.

  [he laughs, Niles glares] 

  Martin : Oh come on, Niles, everybody has an embarrassing story to tell. Did I ever tell you about the time I got locked outside in the backyard in my underwear?

  Niles : Only every Thanksgiving.

  Martin : Well, don't worry, I won't be telling that story this year!

• Niles : Love is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes it's exciting and passionate. Sometimes it's something else. Something... comfortable and familiar. That newly-exfoliated little face staring up at you across the breakfast table... sharing a laugh together when you see someone wearing white after Labor Day.

• Daphne : I hope some day some man will feel that way about me.

  Niles : Oh, Daphne, don't worry. You are a very special person, and some day a man worthy of you will come along... just as soon as the gods create him.

• Niles : I'm just not someone who cries, it's not in my nature. When Maris' uncle Lyle died, I had to shut my hand in the car door just to make a decent showing at the funeral.

• Niles : How could she like him? The man has "community college" written all over him!

• Daphne : I don't know why I'm being so silly. We weren't together long enough for anything to really happen.

  Niles : Sometimes the strongest feelings come from the promise of what might happen. Just the anticipation is just enough to make all the little hairs on your neck stand on end.

  [smooths down the hairs on the back of his neck] 

• [Frasier's phone rings, and the answering machine picks up] 

  Frasier : Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

  [beep] 

  Niles : Frasier... Frasier? I'm having a little crisis here. Actually a large crisis. It's no time to screen calls... Damn!

  [hangs up] 

• Daphne Moon : [seeing an ornate clock on a side table]  Look at this, it's beautiful!

  Dr. Niles Crane : It's a Glockenspiel. We bought it on our honeymoon in Zürich. I brought it down from the attic to remind Maris of better times. It used to play beautiful music, and now it doesn't. How's that for irony?