Frasier (TV Series)
Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do (1998)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Quotes
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Daphne : Sherry's never exactly liked me. You don't think she'll try to make your father get rid of me, do you?
Frasier : Oh, Daphne, of course not. He'd be lost without you.
Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, and even if by some chance that were to happen, Daphne, I could always use you.
[realizing innuendo]
Dr. Niles Crane : I, I would know of a position you could take...
[digging into a hole]
Dr. Niles Crane : ... services that you could perform.
[holds himself, then:]
Dr. Niles Crane : I would know of an opening...
[realizes the path he has taken and takes up the check]
Dr. Niles Crane : This is on me.
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Dr. Niles Crane : An engagement ring? Dad must be about to ask Sherry to marry him. Do you know what that means?
Frasier : Yes, we're going to hear what Mendelssohn's Wedding March sounds like on the banjo.
-
Frasier : Quite the little shindig you two are planning for tonight, huh? You have the cheese logs, erotic fortune cookies, for after dinner, a bloopers tape: "Too Hot For Hee-Haw."
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Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, I got your message about the wine club, Friday night, and yes, I will be there.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, good, Dad's kicking me out of the house that night so he and Sherry can have a little party.
[laughs]
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I don't know. Life really is a circle, isn't it? I'm letting Dad use my place for his friends to get together, and just a few years ago it would have been Dad who'd have to leave his house for my parties.
Dr. Niles Crane : Yes. If you'd had any parties when we were young that would be filled with irony.
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Frasier : That Jordan, he's really something, huh? The way he scores those points and gets the ball back when the other team misses... Wow! That's incredible. He made the same impossible shot twice in a row!
Martin Crane : It's the instant replay.
-
Dr. Niles Crane : Well, this evening is an entire disaster. I just don't know how this could have happened.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, who'd have guessed that something so innocent as spying on a man's girlfriend and rifling his underwear drawer can turn so ugly.
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Dr. Niles Crane : It means she's going to be our mother. What are we going to do?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, there's nothing we can do, Niles. It's what Dad wants.
Dr. Niles Crane : But... what do we even call her?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I suppose she'll want us to call her 'Mother.' No, that's too formal. 'Mama'... no, 'Ma.'
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, better still.
[in dread]
Dr. Niles Crane : 'Don't you look nice, Ma.' 'Yes, I'd love another corn dog, Ma.' 'Off to the roller derby, Ma?'
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Martin Crane : You got this from the investigator - you did hire him, didn't you?
Dr. Frasier Crane : All right, I guess there's no use denying it. Yes, yes, we did hire him. Although the word "we" is not entirely accurate.
Dr. Niles Crane : [playing dumb] Frasier, I am shocked...
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, shut up, Niles!
-
[Niles hired a private investigator to check Sherry out]
Dr. Niles Crane : I was just looking out for Dad here. I mean, what do we really know about this woman?
Frasier : She makes Dad happy, that's all we need to know.
Dr. Niles Crane : Is it? Some people do get married before they know all they should. Remember Cousin Donald? He was married two years before he found out his wife used to be a man.
Frasier : Yes, well, Cousin Donald is a very rare case. First, most people don't have a hidden past; and second, most people have a better eye for details than Cousin Donald. For God's sake, the woman could pick up a watermelon with one hand!
