- Niles: So, you want to build a two-master schooner...
- Daphne Moon: Schooner? I thought it was a frigate.
- Niles: No, a frigate has a fore-and-aft mainsail.
- Daphne Moon: No, no, that's a brigantine.
- Niles: Oh, you're right. Well, then what's a frigate?
- Martin: That's when you just don't give a damn anymore!
- [leaves]
- [Martin and Niles are building a model sailing ship]
- Daphne Moon: Did I ever mention one of my ancestors was a mutineer on the H.M.S. Bounty?
- Martin: No kidding.
- Daphne Moon: Yeah, from what we can tell, he made it safely to Pitcairn Island, where he was quite fruitful and multiplied. You know, for all I know, there's some girl who looks exactly like me running around the South Seas, frolicking in the surf, all brown-skinned and bare-breasted...
- [Niles snaps the mast he's holding in two, sending the pieces flying over the table]
- Niles: So you want to build a two-masted schooner...
- Roz: If you want to know if a man is cheating, you offer him two choices for dinner. One that's rich and fattening, and one that's light and sensible. If he picks the one that's calorie-packed, he doesn't mind turning into a bloated pig, which means he's happily married and you're in the clear. If he picks the diet plate, it means he's staying in shape for his main squeeze, and you should get yourself a lawyer who can sue the sweat off a racehorse.
- Frasier: You know, Roz, when I hear advice like that it makes me wish there was a law against two or more women gathering at a water cooler.
- [Niles' wife Maris is suspected of having an affair with the husband of one of Frasier's callers]
- Roz: You just tell her that you know she's been mattress surfing with some other guy and if she doesn't knock it off, you'll tell her husband.
- Frasier: It's not that easy. You don't know this woman. She doesn't deal with confrontation very well. I once questioned the political correctness of her serving veal. An hour later, we found her locked in the garage with the engine running on her golf cart!
- Roz: Whoa! It's Maris.