Frasier (TV Series)

Dial M for Martin (1998)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Niles is trying to weasel out of inviting Martin to stay with him] 

  Niles : Eddie... you know, Dad, I just realized, my building doesn't allow dogs.

  Martin Crane : Oh, well that's it, because I'm not leaving Eddie.

  Niles : Oh, what a shame.

  Martin Crane : Yeah, I guess I can find someplace. It can't be too small, though, 'cause it's gotta have a bedroom for Daphne.

  Niles : [reconsiders]  You know, Dad, about that no-dog rule? I could speak to Clarice, the head of our co-op board.

  Martin Crane : Really? You think she'd make an exception?

  Niles : Well, let's just say she's bent quite a few rules in her time, and if she doesn't want her husband to find out, she'll bend this one.

  Martin Crane : That's great!

  Niles : Its settled, Daphne can move in straight away... you and Daphne.

• Martin Crane : [opens front door at Nile's apartment]  Oh hi Frasier.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hi Dad. Hi Niles. Forgive me, I know how annoying it can be to drop by without calling first.

  Niles : Don't worry. I used to do it all the time.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That's how I know.

• Niles : [a look of cunning on his face]  I can't let her leave. I just can't.

  Martin Crane : [nervous]  Well, there's nothin' we can do about it.

  Niles : I still have a day. I just have to be more... resourceful.

  Martin Crane : [fearfully]  Like how?

  [stumbles back against a pillar] 

  Niles : It's my problem, not yours. I just have to think. Fresh air, maybe that'll calm me down.

  [He climbs the stairs to the landing and looks out window] 

  Niles : Oh, look at the sunset!

  [turns with same oddly crafty expression] 

  Niles : Dad, come join me on the balcony.

• [Roz suggests that Martin move in with Niles] 

  Roz : Niles's place is so huge, and he's at work all the time.

  Martin Crane : Yeah, that's true. And Maris is out of the picture now...

  Roz : You know what? I just thought of something. For a while there your daughters-in-law were Maris and Lilith. Whoa, Happy Thanksgiving!

• Roz : So Martin, why don't you tell Niles your new idea?

  Martin Crane : Well, actually, it was Roz's idea, but I think she might have something, you know? You know, Frasier and I have been kinda buttin' heads lately...

  Niles : Well, Frasier has been very difficult. I don't know how you live with him.

  Martin Crane : Well, that was Roz's idea. She suggested that I move in with you for a while.

  Niles : [dumbstruck]  Did she?

  Martin Crane : Yeah. You know, we talked about it when I first got shot, but of course Maris was the problem. So I guess the big question now is: Do you still want me?

  Niles : [a fake smile pasted on]  Oh, don't be silly. I want you just as much now as I wanted you then.

• Martin Crane : Oh, a call came in for you.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Rebecca Wendell! Oh my God!

  Martin Crane : Isn't she that model you've been after?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Not just a model, Dad, a lingerie model! I met her at the symphony. Wow, this is amazing! When did this come in?

  Martin Crane : About an hour ago.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I was here an hour ago.

  Martin Crane : Yeah, you were in the tub.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That didn't stop you yesterday when you came in to ask me if a peach smelled funny!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I hope you're happy! Now I have to sit here all afternoon waiting for the phone to ring!

  Martin Crane : As opposed to what you normally do?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, that's rich coming from you! A man who's spent the last five years welded to his aptly named Lay-Z-Boy!