Frasier (TV Series)

Fortysomething (1994)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, I'm 41. That's hardly middle-aged. Middle age is more like 50, 55.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Only if you live to be 110.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.

  Rachel : Oh, thanks for taking my call, Dr. Crane. Um, I'm involved in sort of a strange love triangle.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [mutes the mike]  Oh goody, this is sweeps week!

  Rachel : You see, I recently married a widower. Now, Phil's a real good man, he's a kind man. But there's just one little problem. He insists on keeping an urn with his late wife's ashes on the dresser in our bedroom.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That is a definite "Yikes!"

  Rachel : See, I knew that wasn't normal! He says it is, but I knew it wasn't!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : All right, Rachel, Rachel, now listen. Before you go off half-cocked, let's try to remember this is a very sensitive issue for your husband. Obviously those ashes mean a very great deal to him. And although I don't believe it's appropriate that he keep them in the bedroom, I suppose you could maybe move them to another room?

  Rachel : Well, I guess I could try that. Maybe I'll move them into the guest room.

  [sound of crockery breaking] 

  Rachel : Oops.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Rachel, what happened?

  Rachel : Oh... oh, nothing. I gotta run, Dr. Crane. I've got some vacuuming to do.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : When you look at me, do you see me as a young man or an older man?

  Daphne Moon : Oh no, no you don't. You're not getting me into that Viet nam.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : The other day I was asked out by a 22-year-old girl that I met in a mall.

  Dr. Niles Crane : That is alarming.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I turned her down.

  Dr. Niles Crane : No no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?

• Carrie : Excuse me, Dr. Crane?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hi, Carrie.

  Carrie : Hi. I have your pants.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Whoa, doc!

  [honks horn] 

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Where'd you leave them?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : They're new, Bulldog. Some of the finer department stores deliver garments to their busier customers.

  Carrie : Actually, we don't. I just thought it would be nice to see you again.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Excuse me. You look very familiar. Didn't I let you pour a flaming tequila shooter down my throat at Sloppy Nick's during ah, last year's Indy 500?

  Carrie : Ahhh, no.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Well, what are you doing next Memorial Day?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Bulldog, as certain as I am that any young lady in the world would love to set your face on fire, Carrie, I believe, is here to see me.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Okay. Hey, you can't blame a dog for trying. Just on the off chance it might make a difference, I drive a '94 Camaro.

  [He leaves] 

  Carrie : Is he gay?

  [Frasier looks at her, surprised] 

  Carrie : I've been studying about this in school, and it seems like he's really overcompensating.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, well, I'm not sure. But I certainly look forward to running that theory by him.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, as Rachel helps Phil's wife off the floor, we have reached the end of our second hour. Now, we'll be right back after the news, so please join me again, Frasier Crane and my invaluable producer... ah...

  [Frasier suddenly draws a blank as Roz gives him the death stare] 

  Roz Doyle : ROZ!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Roz! KACL Talk radio, 780 AM.

  [Frasier goes to commercial and goes into Roz's booth] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Roz, I'm so sorry. Your name was right there in front of me and I just couldn't put my finger on it.

  Roz Doyle : Oh, forget about it. I already have.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, it's been happening to me a lot lately. Last night I walked into the kitchen and I just stood there. I couldn't remember what I'd gone in there for.

  Roz Doyle : Don't make yourself crazy over it, it's completely normal. Oh, by the way, you hair stylist called to confirm your appointment.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I made an appointment with Timo? I don't remember that.

  Roz Doyle : That's 'cause you didn't, I was just gas-lighting you.

  [Roz laughs at him] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That is not funny!

• Martin Crane : [looking at an old photo album with Frasier]  That's me. In '74. I was going through my own little stage. I'd dyed my hair jet black, and bought a leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : My God, dad, you look like one of the Village People.

• Martin Crane : [as he and Frasier enter a clothing store]  Say, didn't this used to be Pinski's department store?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I have no idea.

  Martin Crane : Sure it was. We used to bring you kids here all the time. Man, it was a great store. You could buy lingerie, a bag of popcorn and transmission fluid, all under the same roof.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : By the way, Niles, if you were stranded on a desert island, what would you choose as your favorite meal, aria and wine?

  Dr. Niles Crane : The Coulibiliac of salmon at Guy Savoy, "Vissi d'Arte" from Tosca, and the Coutre Roune Chateau Neuf du Pape '47.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You are *so* predictable.

• Martin Crane : Hey, the sands of time are shifting, buddy - mostly south! Listen, if you don't want to go with elastic, maybe you could go with suspenders. That way, if you keep your jacket closed, that little gut of yours can hang down to here and nobody's any the wiser.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I do not have a gut!

  [looks at himself sideways in the mirror] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I have... contours.