Frasier (TV Series)

I Hate Frasier Crane (1993)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Frasier : [Eddie stares at him]  Must he stare at me all day?

  Martin : I don't know, I'll ask him. Eddie, must you?

  [Eddie keeps staring] 

  Martin : Apparently, he must.

• Roz Doyle : So, I step out of the shower, I look out of the window and I notice the garbage man looking right in at me. So I say, "Did you get a good look?" And he says, "Not completely, turn around." Then he smiled, and he's missing a tooth, and that's when the romance went right out of it for me.

  Frasier : Roz, why are you telling me this story?

  Roz Doyle : I'm trying to take your mind of the fact that in five minutes you're going to walk right out into that square and get your clock cleaned.

  Frasier : Well, has it ever occurred to you that I might actually win this fight?

  Roz Doyle : Your shoe's untied.

  [Frasier looks down] 

  Roz Doyle : If you fell for that one, you're going down and you're going down hard.

• [Daphne has a psychic flash when she picks up photos from Martin's unsolved murder] 

  Daphne : I see a man.

  Martin : Yeah?

  Daphne : A well-dressed man. He's wearing wing tips and a trench coat.

  Martin : Yeah? Yeah?

  Daphne : He's getting off an elevator... he's walking down a long hallway... she doesn't know he's coming... he's opening the door...

  [Frasier enters wearing wing tips and a trench coat] 

  Frasier : Hello, everyone.

  Daphne : Sometimes I get my signals crossed.

  Frasier : What's going on?

  Martin : Well, unless you killed a hooker when you were twelve, nothing much.

• Frasier : As some of you may know, yesterday I was mentioned in Derek Mann's "Mann About Town" column. He said, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"..."I Hate Frasier Crane". What trenchant criticism. Move aside Voltaire, step back in the shadows H.L. Mencken, there's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre: "I... *hate*... Frasier Crane."

• Frasier : [about the crowd gathered to watch him fight]  All that's missing is a mariachi band.

  Dr. Niles Crane : They're just setting up.

• Roz Doyle : Dr. Crane, on line 1, we have Stewart who's having a problem with delayed gratification.

  Frasier : Well, he's just going to have to wait!

• Derek Mann : So what's it gonna be, Crane, are you going to fight me or not?

  Frasier : Oh, you can't be serious.

  Derek Mann : Just like I figured, you're chicken.

  Frasier : No, I just don't think that civilized people behave that way. You know, Roz, perhaps our listeners have an opinion about that subject? Who do we have on the line?

  Roz Doyle : Well, lines 1 through 8 are people who think you're chicken.

• Daphne : Will Mrs. Crane be coming?

  Dr. Niles Crane : No, I'm afraid not. And please, no more of this Doctor and Mrs. Crane formality. To you, it's Niles and... uh...

  Frasier : Maris

  Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, Maris.

• Frasier : Are you implying that you want to fight me?

  Derek Mann : I'm not implying it, I'm saying it.

  Frasier : Fight, as in a fist fight?

  Derek Mann : No, I thought we might throw pies at each other.

• Daphne : Well, good luck, Dr. Crane, with the fight.

  Frasier : Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions on the outcome?

  Daphne : Actually, yes. But don't worry, I'm frequently wrong.