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Quotes
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Ned Miller : Look, Crane. You're new to the radio game, I've been around a long time. People get fired. But they always get back on their feet. So... I bet you I could get you that drink now?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, I bet you could.
Ned Miller : [phone rings] Help yourself.
[answers phone]
Ned Miller : Ned Miller! Yo, Jack! No, what's wrong? Ah, come on, tell me now. Uh-huh. I see. No, no no, I-I... Thanks, Jack.
[takes the decanter from Frasier's hand]
Ned Miller : Excuse me.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Bad news?
Ned Miller : Oh, you could say that. I've just been fired. They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of *my* high salary.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, Ned, I... I'm so sorry. Then I guess this means that my job is still safe, then?
Ned Miller : Yeah, I guess so.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, you know Ned... I haven't been in the radio game that long. But, uh, I've been around long enough to know that people get fired. And when they do, they always seem to land on their feet. Now I've known quite a few people - and counseled them - that have suffered similar setbacks. But, ah, in time you will embrace this. Learn to think of this as, oh, a new chapter. You know, in theatrical circles, they always say "Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else."
[long pause]
Ned Miller : God, I wish I'd fired you when I had the chance!
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Martin Crane : Hey, Frasier, what happened to Bulldog?
Dr. Frasier Crane : [nervous] Who told you?
Martin Crane : Nobody told me anything. I tuned into the Gonzo Sports Show like I do every afternoon, and they had Father Mike filling in. I hate that! All it was, was "Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame..."
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh my God! This is unbelievable! A man has quit his job because of a rumor that you spread!
Roz Doyle : [livid] *ME?* The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!
Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm a bad, bad man.
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[first lines]
Niles : So I just had to get out of the house. Maris' Junior League is rehearsing their spring musicale. This year, they're doing "Cats". For the past week and a half I've been watching two dozen underweight, tightly-pulled women in leotards crawling around the music room meowing. I'm telling you, Frasier, my allergies are acting up.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, Niles, I think you're exaggerating.
Niles : No, no, really. You have no idea how vivid the experience is. As God is my judge, I swear Mrs. Presley Bismouth was scent-marking the divan.
Dr. Frasier Crane : God, you'd think women of that age would choose more suitable material. You remember the last show they did, "The Sound of Music"? My God! Half the von Trapp children were having hot flashes.
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Bulldog Briscoe : [after having quit his job] I did it! I scorched him!
[Bulldog laughs maniacally]
Bulldog Briscoe : You should have seen the look on his face. Oh, I even told him about the time his wife came on to me at the Christmas party. I said there wasn't enough liquor in the world to make me sleep with that porker!
Dr. Frasier Crane : You said that to Ned Miller?
Bulldog Briscoe : Yes! Yeah, he even took a swing at me. I gave him a little okey-doke and he hit air!
Dr. Frasier Crane : My god, the man tried to strike you? Listen, Bulldog...
Bulldog Briscoe : [interrupting] Hey, hey! No sudden moves, doc. I'm still too pumped. I feel like poppin' someone.
[Bulldog leaves]
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Bulldog Briscoe : [Having just arrived at Frasier's apartment, picks up a piece of African art] What is this, anyway?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, that's an exceedingly rare fertility symbol from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana.
Bulldog Briscoe : I guess when they were passing out equipment, this guy was in the back of the line.
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Don : Sorry, Dr. Crane.
[imitates static]
Don : I'm going to lose you. I'm going into a tunnel. Goodbye!
[hangs up]
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, and the light at the end of the tunnel is a heat lamp and a large order of fries.
