Frasier (TV Series)

The 1000th Show (1997)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : Where was I?

  Niles : You were last seen hiking up Mount Ego.

• Niles : Sorry I'm late, I stopped half way to listen to a jolly band of Frasier Crane Day carolers. I tried to join in on "The Twelve Days Of Frasier" but forgot the words around day seven. How does it go again?

  Frasier : I believe it's "seven snobs a' sniping."

• Frasier : Oh, dad, they've asked if you might say a few words at the rally. You don't have to, if it makes you nervous.

  Martin Crane : Oh, no problem! Yeah, I can't tell you how many retirement dinners I've spoken at. I can just dig out my old joke book; "One Thousand And One Side-Splitters, Rib-Ticklers and Thigh-Slappers".

  Frasier : I'm sure you're a veritable chiropractor of mirth but I think what they're looking for is something just a bit more personal.

• Frasier : Niles, give me your phone, I'll have Roz send us a car!

  Niles : My phone? What do you think the mugger was reaching into my breast pocket for? Well, the consolation is that he jabbed himself on my emergency sewing kit.

• John : [Fraser hitched a ride to the rally in his honor, to which he is late]  Well, I guess you don't want to hear any more about that. Anyway, we're here.

  Frasier : Oh, I've got plenty of time. Tell me more about your kids.

  John : Well, okay. My name is John, by the way.

  Frasier : [shaking hands]  I'm Frasier.

• Niles : Everyone deserves a fuss. You above all. You've helped a lot of people, they deserve a chance to thank you for it.

  Frasier : Thank you, Niles.

• Frasier : [Wearing a newly bought pair of shoes]  Well, these are quite handsome. Even if they are just a bit snug.

  Niles : We could always go back. I think there's a pair in there you DIDN'T try on.

• Frasier : [Looking out from an alley]  Oh, for God's sake, Niles, will you come outta there?

  Niles : Our mugger specifically instructed us to wait for five minutes.

  Frasier : Yes, well if he wanted us to time it exactly, he wouldn't have taken our watches!

• Frasier : He was waving at me!

  Niles : He was waving for a cab to get away from the scary 'I'm listening' man