- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: [Jesse and Joey babysat an ill Michelle] She had a little cold? How do you know she had a cold?
- Jesse Katsopolis: She had a cough and a runny nose and no fever.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: She should have fluids.
- Jesse Katsopolis, Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: Done.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: We should call the doctor.
- Jesse Katsopolis, Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: Done.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Really? Has she had her cough medicine?
- Jesse Katsopolis, Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: Done.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Oh. How about changing her diaper?
- Jesse Katsopolis, Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: Good night.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [Michelle coughs] You girls ever hear that cough before?
- Stephanie Tanner: It sounds like a hairball.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Come on, Steph, babies don't get...
- [Turns to Joey]
- Jesse Katsopolis: Do babies get hairballs?
- Jesse Katsopolis: [On the phone with Michelle's doctor about her cough] Her nose? Yeah, it's running like a fountain. What's coming out of it? Diet cola!
- Jesse Katsopolis: Of course I know how to take her temperature. You simply put the thermometer under her...
- [Listens on the phone]
- Jesse Katsopolis: You put it where? Joey, it's for you!
- Jesse Katsopolis: [Jesse comes up the stairs up to his neck with junk food and a six-pack of orange soda draped over his head] All right, girls, this should last us through the first round.
- D.J. Tanner: [she and Stephanie come out to the hallway] Uncle Jesse, we changed our mind. We're going to watch the fight downstairs.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Freeze, ankle-biters! This is far as your Uncle Lunch Wagon goes.
- D.J. Tanner: [to Stephanie] Ooh, look, it's Uncle Bad Attitude!