Full House (TV Series)
Our Very First Show (1987)
John Stamos: Jesse Cochran
Photos
Quotes
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Danny Tanner : [when Danny comes home from work and sees Michelle's baby clothes all over the living room] Whoa! What happened? What's with all the dirty baby clothes?
Joey Gladstone : I'm sorry, Danny, but every time we tried changing her, she'd dribble or drool or spit up.
Jesse Cochran : Your baby's a pig.
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Jesse Cochran : D.J., hey, has that tooth come in yet?
D.J. Tanner : Nah.
Jesse Cochran : That's okay. One less to brush.
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Jesse Cochran : Uncle Jessie doesn't want to play ballerina.
Stephanie Tanner : Yes, he does.
Jesse Cochran : No, he doesn't.
Stephanie Tanner : Yes, he does.
Jesse Cochran : No, he doesn't!
Stephanie Tanner : [fake cry] Yes, he does.
Jesse Cochran : How do you play ballerina?
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Joey Gladstone : [talks in a baby voice when Michelle starts crying] Aww, Michelle, little baby-waby. What's the matter? Uncle Jesse, what are we gonna do?
Jesse Cochran : First, we stop talking like a munchkin.
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[after Joey puts Michelle's diaper in Tupperware]
Jesse Cochran : Good thinking, Joey, keep it fresh.
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Danny Tanner : DJ, you're back.
Jesse Cochran : Whoa, whoa, whoa! Vanessa's gone, the deal's off. I want my money back.
Danny Tanner : What money?
D.J. Tanner : The money Uncle Jesse paid me to move back in.
Danny Tanner : That's your special way with children? You buy them off?
Jesse Cochran : It works.
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Jesse Cochran : [when Jesse tries to get DJ to move back in the house] All right, I'll speak a language you understand. Five bucks if you move back in.
D.J. Tanner : Fifty.
Jesse Cochran : Ten
D.J. Tanner : Forty-nine.
Jesse Cochran : [surprised] A buck? You went down a buck?
D.J. Tanner : Okay, it's back to fifty.
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Jesse Cochran : [to Stephanie] Why don't you go upstairs and play ballerina with your big sister?
Stephanie Tanner : I can't. She moved out.
Danny Tanner : Stephanie, honey, what do you mean she moved out?
Stephanie Tanner : She's gone. She rolled up her crepe paper and took off.
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Jesse Cochran : [Danny hugs him] You're hugging me in a room with pink bunnies.
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Jesse Cochran : [He and Joey try to change Michelle's diaper] Whoa, whoa, Joey, this is a living thing. You don't just stick it in a pot. Use a meat rack.
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Jesse Cochran : [He and Joey go check on a crying Michelle in her crib before changing her diaper] Shut up!
Joey Gladstone : I'll handle this. I'm a comic. It's my non-pain job to cheer people up.
[Impersonates Kermit]
Joey Gladstone : Um, hi Michelle, it's me, Kermit the Frog. You don't wanna cry, do ya?
[Impersonates Pee-Wee Herman]
Joey Gladstone : Uh hi, it's me, Pee-Wee Herman. Ha! Do you wanna go to my playhouse, ha!
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Jesse Cochran : Look dj u know you want your own room but this not a prefect world I mean Bruce Willis has his own record deal.