Full House (TV Series)

Up on the Roof (1995)

John Stamos: Jesse Katsopolis

Quotes 

• Becky Katsopolis : Come on, stop teasing me. I'm a good cook. Remember that sausage and lima bean casserole I made? I called it my Sunday surprise?

  Danny Tanner : We called it our Monday surprise.

  Jesse Katsopolis : I was still getting surprised on Tuesday.

  Becky Katsopolis : Yeah, well, I bet you won't be getting surprised tonight.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Ow! Whoa. Ooh. Check, please.

• Principal Robolard : Mr. Katsopolis, the only way you're leaving here is in the back of a police car.

  Jesse Katsopolis : The police? Why?

  Principal Robolard : Trespassing, breaking and entering, grand-theft auto.

  Jesse Katsopolis : I didn't thieve it. I just lifted it.

  Principal Robolard : Okay, grand-lift auto.

• Principal Robolard : D.J., you had such a bright future. Why'd you do it?

  D.J. Tanner : Because I wanted to leave a legacy. You know, do something outrageous. I guess, for once in my life, I just wanted to show everyone that I had guts.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Well, you did, Deej. Coming in here, sticking up for me, taking responsibility... that's as gutsy as it gets.

  Principal Robolard : And as brilliant. That was the best prank in the history of the school.

  D.J. Tanner : Really? I thought you hated senior pranks.

  Principal Robolard : Well, the kids expect me to say that. I mean, what good is a prank if you think the principal approves?

• Jesse Katsopolis : It's a good thing you got that prank done. It looks like it's going to pour.

  D.J. Tanner : Oh, my gosh. Kimmy, Robolard's car's on the roof.

  Kimmy Gibbler : I know, I can't get over it either.

  D.J. Tanner : With the top down. Kimmy, the interior's going to be destroyed.

  Kimmy Gibbler : This prank is turning out to be great.

  D.J. Tanner : Kimmy, the idea of the prank was not to ruin his car, just ruin his day. We've gotta get back there and put the top up. Wait, we can't. It's an automatic top and we'd need the keys. We're dead.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Maybe not yet. You know, I can hot wire the car, but we've got to hurry.

  D.J. Tanner : How'd you learn how to hot wire a car?

  Jesse Katsopolis : Uh... science project.

• D.J. Tanner : Hi. Kimmy, I have a great idea for our senior class prank.

  Kimmy Gibbler : I'm all ears.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Actually, you're all mouth.

• Jesse Katsopolis : [after Jesse is caught by the security guard while on the school roof]  Come on, it was just a little prank. Where's your sense of humor? Apparently you had it surgically removed at a young age.

• Jesse Katsopolis : [as Jesse is waiting in Principal Robolard's office with the security guard]  This whole thing is ludicrous. It's a travesty.

  [the security guard gives him a confused look] 

  Jesse Katsopolis : Just raise your hand when I get to a word you recognize.

• Jesse Katsopolis : Hold it a second, here. How come when I did the prank, you were gonna send me to jail?

  Principal Robolard : There's a good reason.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Yeah? What's that?

  Principal Robolard : I never liked you.

  Jesse Katsopolis : See, he never... why?

  Principal Robolard : Because you had the hair I wanted since I was a balding Boy Scout. And your hair's even gotten better while I've been stuck with this.

  [takes off his wig to reveal his bald head] 

  Jesse Katsopolis : Oh, my, it's a wig.

• D.J. Tanner : Excuse me, Mr. Robolard.

  Principal Robolard : D.J. Tanner, what are you doing here?

  D.J. Tanner : Mr. Robolard, this whole thing was my stupid idea. I'm the one that put your car on the roof.

  Jesse Katsopolis : No, no, no, that didn't happen. She's just a wacky, crazy, college-bound student who's trying to ruin her future before she even gets there. Go ahead, I'm to blame. 1-800-BOOK-THEM. Go ahead, go.

  D.J. Tanner : Uncle Jesse, it's okay. It's my responsibility.

  Jesse Katsopolis : Oh, Deej, come on, please. Robolard doesn't believe you'd do something crazy.

  D.J. Tanner : Mr. Robolard, why would I be here in your office at night if I weren't involved in this?

  Jesse Katsopolis : See, she's taking this remedial shop class with old three fingers McGee.

  Principal Robolard : Mr. Katsopolis, that class is no longer offered at night. And since you left school, it's two fingers McGee.

• Jesse Katsopolis : I always knew one day some crazy devil-may-care maniac would surpass my prank. I am proud to call that maniac my niece. Hug me.