Get Smart (TV Series)

Ship of Spies: Part 1 (1966)

Edward Platt: Chief of Control

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : You know Chief, I'll never forget the sound that killer made when he walked away. I'll recognize it immediately the next time I hear it.

  Chief : What was it like, Max?

  Maxwell Smart : Well it was a kind of a clip-clop clip-clop.

  Chief : Like a man with a special shoe?

  Parker : Or a man walking with a cane?

  Maxwell Smart : Or a man with very loose dentures.

• Parker : [describing the layout of the ship Max is due to travel on]  Well, the Evening Star's cargo is divided into two compartments. In this compartment, there are about 900 tons of bananas.

  [his expression becomes serious] 

  Parker : Oh, boy. If this wall in between the bananas and the other compartment ever breaks down, there'll be real trouble.

  Maxwell Smart : Why? What's in the other compartment?

  Parker : 3,000 monkeys.

  Maxwell Smart : 3,000 monkeys?

  [Parker nods] 

  Maxwell Smart : Now, wait a minute, Professor Parker. How many bananas would that be to a monkey?

  Parker : Oh, well, it would depend on how hungry each monkey would be and...

  Maxwell Smart : Well, wouldn't it also depend upon how large the bananas were?

  [Parker nods in agreement] 

  Maxwell Smart : Then if the monkeys...

  Chief : [breaking in]  Gentlemen, forget about the monkeys!

• Parker : [discussing how Max will be contacted]  Possibly with this.

  [He stands, holding out a gun] 

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, well, I certainly hope the message doesn't reach me.

  Parker : Oh, this is no ordinary gun, Smart. This is a very cleverly disguised radio telephone. Here, let me show you.

  [He passes the gun to Max and picks up another one] 

  Parker : What's the number on your handle?

  Maxwell Smart : 652.

  Parker : [breaking open his gun and dialling into the bullet chamber]  Okay. Six... five... two.

  Maxwell Smart : [his gun starts ringing]  Well, what happens now?

  Parker : Break it and talk into the handle.

  Maxwell Smart : [he does so]  Hello?

  Parker : [cheerfully]  Hello!

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, is that you, Parker?

  Parker : Yes, indeed. Is that you, Smart?

  Maxwell Smart : Yes. How have you been?

  Parker : Oh, just fine, just fine, and you?

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, pretty good, pretty good. Certainly is nice talking to you. Listen, Parker, there's a question I'd like to ask you.

  Parker : Shoot.

  Maxwell Smart : Now...

  [he does a double-take about what Parker's just said] 

  Maxwell Smart : Now about the bananas. If each monkey...

  Chief : [who's been watching them with increasing impatience]  Gentlemen, you're doing it again! Let's get on with the briefing!

  Maxwell Smart : [Both Max and Parker look rather put out by the Chief spoiling their fun]  Right, Chief. Parker, there's one thing that bothers me. This makes an awfully loud ring. What if you want to phone someone quietly?

  Parker : Well, use your silencer.