The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Bedtime Story (1987)

Rue McClanahan: Blanche Devereaux

Quotes 

• Rose Nylund : Why don't we wait outside on the platform? The train will be along in a few minutes.

  Stationmaster : The 9:15 to Miami left at 8:45.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : How could our train have left a half-hour early?

  Stationmaster : Oh, all the trains out of Appalappichobee leave early. That's what our town's famous for! Now, y'all may think this sounds kinda silly, but we actually printed "Our Trains Leave Early" right on the town seal!

  Rose Nylund : You have a town seal? Can he play a song on those little horns?

  Stationmaster : No, but he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a catfish first!

  Blanche Devereaux : This is like a Twilight Zone... somehow we got on a train that ended up inside Rose's mind.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Yeah, uh, when is the next train to Miami?

  Stationmaster : Well, we've got one scheduled to leave at 6 AM tomorrow morning.

  Rose Nylund : Does that mean it'll actually leave at 5:30?

  Stationmaster : Welcome to Appalappichobee!

• [Dorothy has just told the story of how Sophia had fallen asleep in her bed whilst nursing her through Bronchitis] 

  Sophia Petrillo : I wasn't asleep. I was just resting my eyes so you'd leave me alone. I used to do that with your father. It only worked about half of the time. Asleep, awake - didn't matter to him!

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Please, Ma. You slept like a baby. I know becasues I spent the whole night awake in that chair.

  Blanche Devereaux : Well, it couldn't be any worse than trying to sleep on a hard wooden bench in the middle of a railway station!

  Sophia Petrillo : Boy, you do it any place, don't you, Blanche?

  Rose Nylund : Blanche is talking about coming home from Edna McCarthy's funeral.

  Sophia Petrillo : Edna McCarthy is dead? Oh my God, that's terrible. I just sent her a chain letter. There's a dollar I'll never see!

• [Dorothy, Blanche and Rose are stranded overnight at a railway station] 

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : I don't believe this. I mean this has to be the most depressing day of my life. First Edna McCarthy's funeral now this.

  Blanche Devereaux : Y' know, being at her funeral today made me start thinking about how quiclky life can pass you by. Maybe I oughta do something more adventurous in my life.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : More adventurous! The Kama Sutra had to publish a supplement because of you!

  Blanche Devereaux : I'm not talking about men. I'm talking about things I've always wanted to do but never got around to trying. Dorothy, didn't you have something you wanted to do? Some kind of secret desire you always kept on the back burner?

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Mm-hm. I awlays wanted to try a nudist camp.

  Stationmaster : [overhearing]  Some big pots belong on the back burner.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : [to stationmaster]  Uh, don't you have a cousin you should be dating?

• Rose Nylund : What are you doing?

  Blanche Devereaux : I am contouring my eyebrows. I use Miss Christie Brinkley as a guide because we have exactly the same bone structure. I just hope she doesn't let herself go to pot after that baby comes. I don't want that big-eyed husband of hers coming after me.

  Rose Nylund : I never do very much with my eyebrows.

  Blanche Devereaux : That's why from the nose up, you look like Wilford Brimley.

• Stationmaster : In fact, "Our Trains Run Late" is even on our city seal.

  Rose Nylund : Your city has a seal? Can it play tunes on those little horns?

  Stationmaster : No.

  [pause] 

  Stationmaster : But he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a catfish first.

  Blanche Devereaux : [aside to Dorothy]  It's like a "Twilight Zone" episode and we're stuck on a train inside Rose's brain!