- Blanche: [coming in to Dorothy's room in the middle of the night] What is going on? I heard you laughing, what's so funny?
- Sophia: For starters, Jean is a Lesbian.
- Blanche: What's funny about that?
- Sophia: You aren't surprised?
- Blanche: Of course not. I mean, I've never known any personally, but isn't Danny Thomas one?
- Dorothy: Not Lebanese, Blanche! Lesbian!
- Blanche: Lesbian... Lesbian... Lesbian! But isn't that when one woman and another...
- Dorothy: We already know what it means.
- Blanche: But... Jean's a very attractive woman! She could have any man she wants!
- Dorothy: She doesn't want them.
- Blanche: Well, why not? A man has so much more to offer, you know what I mean, Dorothy?
- Dorothy: Yeah, I found that out when Mark Perper was running for class president in the third grade.
- Blanche: Why? What does that have to do with anything?
- Dorothy: Well, his campaign slogan was, "Vote for me, and I'll show you my wee-wee." He won by a landslide!
- Blanche: Well, I'll never understand what Jean doesn't see in the opposite sex, but hey, if that's what makes her happy, that's fine by me.
- Dorothy: There's one other thing.
- Sophia: Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
- Blanche: Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe it! I do not believe it!
- Dorothy: I was pretty surprised myself.
- Blanche: Well, I'll bet! To think Jean would prefer Rose over me, that's ridiculous! Now, you tell me the truth! If you had to pick between me and Rose, who would you pick? Who?
- Dorothy: Blanche, pull yourself together!
- Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. Does Rose know?
- Dorothy: No.
- Blanche: Oh, good. I don't think you ought to tell her. After all, she's not as worldly and sophisticated about these things as I am.
- Sophia: Absolutely. If she finds out Danny Thomas is a Lesbian, it'll break her heart!
- Sophia: Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a Lesbian than a cat. Unless a Lesbian sheds - that I don't know.
- Dorothy: Ma.
- Sophia: Is it morning already?
- Dorothy: No. No, I just wanted to ask you a question.
- Sophia: What?
- Dorothy: How would you react if you were told that one of your kids was gay?
- Sophia: Your brother, Phil, is gay? I knew it! When he was a kid, we couldn't keep him away from those gladiator movies!
- Dorothy: Ma, Phil is not gay.
- Sophia: You mean, you're gay? What, your friend, Jean, is having some sort of membership drive?
- Dorothy: Ma!
- Sophia: Dorothy, I know you don't get many dates, but stick with what you know. At your age, it's very hard to break into something new. G'night.
- Dorothy: Ma, Ma, I am not gay. I just wanted to get your reaction.
- Sophia: I'll tell you the truth, Dorothy. If one of my kids was gay, I wouldn't love him one bit less. I would wish him all the happiness in the world!
- Dorothy: That's because you're the greatest mother in the world, and I love you.
- Sophia: Fine. Now keep your fat mouth shut so I can get some sleep.
- Blanche: Jean's a very attractive woman. She could have any man she wants.
- Dorothy: She doesn't want them.
- Blanche: Well, why not? A man has so much more to offer, y'know what I mean, Dorothy?
- Dorothy: Yeah, I found that out when Mark Perper was running for class president in the Third Grade.
- Blanche: Why, what does that have to do with anything?
- Dorothy: Well, his campaign slogan was, 'Vote for me, and I'll show you my wee-wee.' He won by a landslide!