The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Mary Has a Little Lamb (1990)

Estelle Getty: Sophia Petrillo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dorothy Zbornak : [Sophia enters the kitchen carrying a letter]  Oh, hi, Ma.

  Sophia Petrillo : Listen to this, "If I were truly free, O fire of my loins, I'd take you to a paradise in the sun where we could lie naked, bronze body against pearl body, locked together in a frenzy of love.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, who wrote that?

  Sophia Petrillo : Merrill Kellog.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Merrill Kell... Who's he?

  Sophia Petrillo : Ask Blanche. It's her letter.

  Dorothy Zbornak : [snatches the letter from Sophia]  This is from that guy in prison that Blanche has been writing to.

  Rose Nylund : How are you going to explain this opened letter to Blanche?

  Sophia Petrillo : [taking the letter back from Dorothy]  Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

  Blanche Deveraux : [entering the kitchen]  Good morning girls.

  Sophia Petrillo : Good morning, Blanche. Rose opened your letter

  [hands it to Blanche and leaves] 

  Rose Nylund : Blanche, I didn't!

  Blanche Deveraux : Oh, it's no problem, honey. It's just another one of those letters form Merrill. I would read it to you anyway. They're not personal.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Not personal! The man says he wants to lie naked with you on a beach.

  Blanche Deveraux : Well, sure. And I wrote him I want to make passionate love to him in a hammock suspended between two Magnolia trees. You know that couldn't possibly happen!

  Rose Nylund : Well, maybe if you lose a few pounds.

  Blanche Deveraux : [obviously miffed]  Shut up, Rose.

• Dorothy Zbornak : [the girls' young friend Mary has stopped by to visit]  Tell me, sweetheart. You having fun in high school?

  Mary : Oh, it's okay.

  Blanche Deveraux : Oh, I loved high school! It seems like only yesterday. Riding around with the boys in their cars, and the dances...

  Dorothy Zbornak : Yeah. And don't forget the Hindenburg disaster.

  Dorothy Zbornak : [Sophia enters]  Ma, look who's here.

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh. So, Mary. When's the baby due?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma! You're talking to a sixteen year old girl!

  Sophia Petrillo : A knocked up sixteen year old girl!

  [Mary confirms that Sophia is right] 

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, how did you know?

  Sophia Petrillo : Because you had the same look of panic on your face when you got pregnant. Kind of like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. I thought only pregnant teen-agers had that expression until I saw Dan Quayle on TV.

• Merrill 'Moose' Kellog : I'm Merrill. Are you Blanche?

  Dorothy Zbornak : No.

  Merrill 'Moose' Kellog : How 'bout you, cutie?

  Sophia Petrillo : Boy, this guy's done hard time!

• Sophia Petrillo : Break out the finger sandwiches. Mr. Astaire looks like he's hungry!

• Sophia Petrillo : Doggy, I don't know if you noticed but I'm all skin and bones.

  [Samson licks his mouth] 

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh, I shouldn't say "bones".

• Sophia Petrillo : It's a known fact that dogs take on the personality traits of their masters.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Oh, that's ridiculous.

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh yeah? Then why does your brother Phil's poodle like to wear that tutu and hop around on his hind legs?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Oh, come on, Ma, I mean, Phil would look pretty stupid doing that by himself.

• Sophia Petrillo : [Dorothy and Sophia try to get pregnant Mary's father to take her back]  You feel because Mary went out and got herself pregnant that she's a slut. Well, let me tell you what a slut is. It's someone that gets knocked up in the back seat of a Studebaker at a drive-in movie. It was a Studebaker, wasn't it, Dorothy?

  Dorothy Zbornak : [mortified]  It was a Nash, Ma.

  Sophia Petrillo : Now that's a slut.