- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, take it from me, honey, there is no gentle way to end it with a man. When you're gentle with them, they just don't get the message.
- Rose Nylund: Oh, Blanche is so right, Dorothy. That was exactly the problem I had with Eddie Parker. He was this real sweet guy who was crazy about me, but I just didn't feel the same way about him. You see, when Charlie went off to war, I went to work for our local USO club. And, that's where I first met Eddie the Aqua Midget.
- Blanche Devereaux: He was a blue midget?
- Rose Nylund: Don't be ridiculous, he was a diving midget. That was his act. He used to jump off a step ladder into this gigantic punchbowl.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [stifling laughter] S-so, um... what happened?
- Rose Nylund: Nothing. He'd just swim to the side and hop out.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I mean, uh... what happened between you and Eddie?
- Rose Nylund: We talked a lot between shows, and of course I didn't realize it but he- he was falling for me.
- Blanche Devereaux: Didn't have far to fall.
- [Dorothy grabs Blanche's hand in an attempt to stifle more laughter]
- Rose Nylund: It... it started with little things...
- Blanche Devereaux: I bet.
- [more stifled laughter]
- Rose Nylund: Pretty soon the situation got out of control, and I... I tried to let him down gently...
- Blanche Devereaux: You tried to make it short and sweet?
- [more stifled laughter]
- Rose Nylund: He just wouldn't take no for an answer. So I finally had to tell him straight out that I- I didn't feel about him the way he felt about me. It had nothing to do with his size. It- it was simply that... w-I- I could never become seriously involved with anybody in show business.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [still stifling laughter] Thank you, Rose. I... I don't know what to say... And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why did I ever marry that man?
- Sophia Petrillo: Because he knocked you up.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why did I ever let that happen?
- Sophia Petrillo: Because he got you drunk.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why am I even discussing this with you?
- Sophia Petrillo: Beats the hell out of me.
- Stanley Zbornak: [rushing for the door after learning that there won't be any "bouncy-bouncy" forthcoming from Dorothy] I better go stop Chrissy before she gets too far away. Terrific sex is better than none at all.
- Dorothy Zbornak: [casually raising her wine glass to imaginary guests with a smug "knowing" expression, since of course she has personally experienced first-hand how lousy Stanley is in bed] Here's to terrific sex --- and the DUMB BLONDE who's NOT GONNA GET ANY!
- Blanche Devereaux: Dorothy, why didn't you tell your mother about our vacation?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I was waiting for the right time- like when we landed in New York.
- Blanche Devereaux: New York? I wanted to go to an island!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: New York is an island.
- Blanche Devereaux: Yeah, but I want to go somewhere with a bunch of men who don't speak English!
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Then we'll take the subway.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Stan told me his wife left him.
- Blanche Devereaux: And you believed him? I hear that at least twice a week!
- Sophia Petrillo: And it works everytime!