The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Zborn Again (1990)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rose : [to Blanche]  What was the best sex you ever had?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Oh, way to go, Rose. Look, Blanche, it's late, there's only one cheesecake left, so let's make menopause the cut-off point.

  Blanche : Best sex. Oh, it's just so hard to rate these things. There's degree of difficulty, style points, choice of music, did they land on their feet during the dismount. Different people have different strengths, it's just impossible to tell. But, anything over a nine is excellent.

  Rose : Over a nine?

  Blanche : Points, Rose, points!

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Blanche, I need to talk to you privately.

  Blanche : Okay.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : There's this person... someone I've known for quite a while... and lately there seems to be this... attraction developing, uh... an attraction I've been trying to deny...

  [Blanche abruptly stands up and steps away] 

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Blanche, what are you doing?

  Blanche : [sighs heavily]  It's a curse. My beauty's always been a curse. I'm sorry, Dorothy, but... like the fatal blossom of the graceful jimson weed, I entice with my fragrance but can provide no succor.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I'm talking about Stanley, you idiot!

  Blanche : Get outta here! Stan has the hots for me?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : For *me*, not you, *fatal* blossom. For me.

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : [admitting she had just "slept with" her ex-husband]  Oh, I don't know, I don't know, he's just been so sweet lately, and we were at the beach in the same old car that we used to make out in, and it just got to me. It was exciting.

  Blanche : Dammit, Dorothy, if you'd have sex in public more often this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Look, I'm mad enough at myself as it is. I mean, Stanley Zbornak made me weak in the knees. What, you think I'm proud of that?

  Blanche : Who made the first move?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I guess I did. It was dark, and Stan stopped the car. I swear to you, I thought I was setting the parking brake.

  Rose : Well that's good: Safety First.

• Sophia Petrillo : I worry about you. You're still my little girl, you know, no matter how big you get.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Thanks, Ma.

  Sophia Petrillo : By the way, how big are you gonna get?

• Rose : [Complaining about a coworker]  The truth is, she's a sweet girl, looking for a friend. And we do have a common bond. She used to be a newscaster. Now, she's just an assistant like me. So, there's this cognitive dissonance between her actual and her ideal self which causes her to be practically dysfunctional. Of course, I'm no psychologist.

  Blanche : No, you're a nitwit. How come you know those words?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Blanche, c'mon, it's not nice calling her a nitwit. But, since the cat's outta the bag, how *do* you know those words?

  Rose : I guess it's from reading the American Journal of Abnormal Psychology. It's published in St Olaf, you know. If fact, my uncle Gunther used to be the editor.

  Sophia Petrillo : And what were you? The centerfold?

• Rose : We were telling Best Sex Ever stories, Sophia.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Yeah, but now we're tired of telling them, so why don't we go to bed, huh?

  Sophia Petrillo : No, wait. It's a good thing I'm up, because it so happens that I have a story for you, the sex story to end all sex stories. Sicily, 1922. I stop by a little trattoria. No, wait. I'm thinkin' of the best meal I ever had.