The Honeymooners (TV Series)

The Babysitter (1956)

Audrey Meadows: Alice Kramden

Quotes 

• Alice : [Ralph is yelling at Alice for talking on a new phone]  I made one call, Ralph. One call! I spoke to Trixie.

  Ralph : [incredulous]  Trixie? Upstairs? You called her on the phone to talk to her upstairs? What, yelling out the window is too good for you now? What, was it raining out?

  Alice : Yelling out the window is bad manners.

  Ralph : Don't you make any nasty remarks about my mother. She's been yelling out the window for 80 years!

  Alice : Yeah? And before she lost her voice, there were more people listening to her than to "Amos 'n' Andy".

• Alice : [to Ralph]  That phone is staying here. Everybody but us has a telephone. All you're worried about is the money. Well, you can just stop worrying, because I'll figure out some way to pay for that phone. I'll just, uh, well, I'll cut down on something.

  Ralph : I know what you'll cut down on: my food. That's what you'll cut down on, Alice, my food! We'll have a phone, but I won't have anything to eat!

  Alice : Oh, Ralph.

  Ralph : Don't "Oh, Ralph" me! I'm sick and tired of that "Oh, Ralph"! The bills will get bigger and bigger, and I'll get less to eat. I'll start losing weight. Then you know what I'll look like?

  Alice : Yeah, a human being.

  Ralph : Oh, are you gonna get yours!

• Ralph : [to Alice]  Let's get something straight right now, right here and now: a man's home is just like a ship. And on this ship, I am the captain. I am the captain of this ship, do you understand that? You are nothing but a lowly, third-class seaman. That's all you are. Your duties are to get the mess, swab the deck and see that the captain feels good. That's all you have to do. Remember, you're nothing a third-class seaman. I'm the captain.

  [He notices that Alice is leaving and he stops her] 

  Ralph : Where are you going?

  Alice : Seaman Kramden, third class, is retiring to the poop deck until this big wind blows over.

  [leaves the room] 

• Ralph Kramden : I'm so much in love with you that the slightest thing makes me jealous. Just thinking of you looking at another guy drives me nuts.

  Alice Kramden : Ralph, we have a phone now, so you can call and tell me as often as you want.

  Ralph Kramden : Baby, you're the greatest.