House M.D. (TV Series)
Heavy (2005)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Eric Foreman : 10-year-olds do not have heart attacks. It's got to be a mistake.
Dr. Gregory House : Right. The simplest explanation is she's a 40-year-old lying about her age. Maybe an actress trying to hang on.
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Dr. Gregory House : Who would you fire?
Dr. Allison Cameron : No one.
Dr. Gregory House : Not an option.
Dr. Allison Cameron : If everyone took a paycut and put in a few more hours, we could all stay for the same amount of money.
Dr. Gregory House : Figures you'd try to come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. The problem is the world doesn't work that way just 'cause you want it to.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Figures you'd stall and refuse to deal with the issue. Problem is, the world doesn't go away just because you want it to.
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Dr. Gregory House : Ever seen an infected pierced scrotum?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Uh... no, but I know a few people to whom I'd like to see it happen.
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Dr. Gregory House : I'm thinking I can convince Vogler it'll be more cost-efficient to keep all of them.
Dr. James Wilson : Yeah, you should be able to pull that off. Most billionaires aren't very good with numbers.
Dr. Gregory House : It will be more cost-efficient once I grab Cameron's ass, called Foreman a spade, and Chase... well, I'll grab his ass too.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [after the doctors learn that Jessica has taken weight loss pills] I can't believe she was that desperate.
Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, I'm sure that if everyone I knew hated me, I couldn't bear to look at me. I wouldn't go so far as to shoplift.
Dr. Allison Cameron : I'm not talking about the shoplifting.
Dr. Eric Foreman : I'm sure she didn't even know they were dangerous. She probably saw them advertised on TV or over the internet.
Dr. Robert Chase : Right, so I guess it's the media and pharmaceutical companies' fault now? Not the fact that she can't stop shoving food down her throat. No one forced her to get fat.
Dr. Allison Cameron : No one forced a cancer patient to get cancer.
Dr. Robert Chase : Give me a break. It's not a disease.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Have you seen the latest research?
Dr. Robert Chase : Yes, I have. What I haven't seen lately is a kid eating an apple or riding a bike. You Americans can't even compete with the rest of the world in basketball anymore unless, of course, it's the type you play with a remote control on a big screen TV.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Right.
[gets up and starts to walk off]
Dr. Gregory House : [to Foreman] Wait! Are you going to let him say that? He insulted our basketball teams!
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Dr. Allison Cameron : I apologize if it looked like we weren't devoting our full attention to your daughter, but I assure you that we...
Mrs. Simms : Oh, please. Save your pathetic insincerity for your boyfriend.
Dr. Gregory House : You're wrong. She is in fact pathetically sincere.
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Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : I'm not pregnant!
Dr. Gregory House : Sorry, you don't get to make that call unless you have a stethoscope. Union rules.
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Dr. James Wilson : [to Lucille] The ultrasound and biopsy confirmed our worry. The tumor is extremely large. At least 30 pounds.
Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : Oh, God.
Dr. Gregory House : It's actually a personal record for this clinic.
Dr. James Wilson : But it's completely benign. There's no sign of cancer at all. I've already spoken with Dr. Bergin and he's available first thing in the morning.
Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : For what?
[House and Wilson look puzzled]
Dr. James Wilson : For the surgery.
Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : But if it's not cancer, it can't kill me, right?
Dr. James Wilson : No.
Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : I'll have a huge scar! I won't be able to wear a bikini!
Dr. Gregory House : You wear a bikini now?
Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : Yeah, you got a problem with that?
Dr. Gregory House : Nope, but I've never gone swimming with you.
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Mrs. Lucille Hernandez : You are trying to force me to have cosmetic surgery!
Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, that's exactly why I planted a 30-pound tumor on your ovary.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : [to House] Can we talk?
Dr. Gregory House : What, no roses, no chocolates?
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Dr. Gregory House : Say the first thing that comes to your head.
Dr. Robert Chase : [about Jessica] She's fat.
Dr. Eric Foreman : Enough already, okay? We've got it. You hate fat people.
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Dr. Gregory House : [shouting out the door of his office to Cameron and Chase] Hey! Stop worrying about your asses and start worrying about the patient.