How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Purple Giraffe (2005)
Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen
Photos
Quotes
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Marshall Eriksen : Hey, where the hell is my... oh! OK. Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865 to 1923 is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw, not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not even going to show up. I mean, where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin?...
[Sees Robin]
Marshall Eriksen : Hi. Hi, Robin.
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Marshall Eriksen : All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody "wanged," everybody "chunged." Now The Kid has gotta get to work, and The Kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
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Lily : Hey I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring. Me beautiful ring. Kinda makes wearing other stuff seem wrong... my shirt. Kinda don't wanna wear my shirt any more. Or my underwear. Oh, that's right, I'm not wearing any.
Marshall Eriksen : [Stops working and looks at Lily] No underwear?
Lily : Not even slightly.
Ted Mosby : [See Ted sitting on the couch] Guys. Boundaries.
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Marshall Eriksen : So, Gatsby, what are you going to do when Robin shows up?
Ted Mosby : OK, I got it all planned out. She steps through the door, and where's Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these "Hey, what's up?" She says "Hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera ." And then I say "Well, make yourself at home" and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, "Oh, you're still here," I say, like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. And then, very casually, "Wanna see the roof?"
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Ted Mosby : [about Robin] She wants casual... OK. I'll be casual, I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual! You know why? 'Cause it's a game. I wanted to skip to the end and do the whole "happily ever after" thing, but you can't do that UNLESS you play the game.
Marshall Eriksen : So you're gonna ask her out?
Ted Mosby : Yeah - NO! I can't ask her out because if I ask her out, I'm ASKING HER OUT. So how do I ask her out without asking her out...
Lily : ...Did you guys get high?
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Ted Mosby : [At the bar] Hey, don't you have a paper to write?
Marshall Eriksen : Dude, you're talking to The Kid. I'm gonna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna write a 25-page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get an A. My name is Rufus and that's the Trufus.
Narrator : He got a B-, but still. 25 pages in one night? B-? The Kid was good.
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Lily : Hey, law books. Ready for a little fifteen minute recess?
Marshall Eriksen : Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here.
[indicating his brain]
Marshall Eriksen : [to the party guests at large] Has anybody seen "An Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statues from 1865-1923"?
[silence]
Marshall Eriksen : Anybody seen a big-ass book?
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Lily : [Ted is depressed that Robin never showed at his party] At least it was a great party.
Marshall Eriksen : I ate, like, four whole cans of dip.
Ted Mosby : [sarcastic] You always know what to say, old friend.
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Marshall Eriksen : [Ted has impulsively decided to throw a second party in order to see Robin] Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write.
[seeing Lily seductively playing with her engagement ring]
Marshall Eriksen : Okay, fine.
[taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom]
Marshall Eriksen : But it's gotta be, like, super quick, and no cuddling after.
Lily : I'm the luckiest girl alive.
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Ted Mosby : I got it. I don't ask her out. I invite her to our party next Friday.
Marshall Eriksen : We're having a party next Friday?
Ted Mosby : We are now. Casual.
Barney : Yeah, 'cause nothing says "casual" like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. Oh, and Lily, that's my leg.
Lily : [playing footsie under the table, she freaks out and stops] You waited five minutes to tell me that?
