I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

The Colour of Alan (2002)

Simon Ludders: Builder

Quotes 

• Sonja : [holding a pair of cushions with her's and Alan's faces on them]  You just take normal photograph into Snappy Snaps and he put photo on cushion. This cushion is called scatter cushion, it's brilliant. I call it scatter love cushion. Because it represent my love for Alan.

  Builder : You could sit on his face.

  [the other builder laughs] 

  Sonja : What do you mean?

  Builder : You could sit on Alan's face, you know. It's a joke.

  Sonja : [starts hitting the builders with the cushions]  It's very filthy joke! Alan is hitting you!

  Alan Partridge : [intervening]  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That's English for stop a horse!

  Sonja : He is being very disgusting.

  Alan Partridge : What did he say?

  Sonja : He say I sit on your face.

  Alan Partridge : [to the builders]  Have you been spying on us?

• Alan Partridge : You married?

  Builder : Yeah.

  Alan Partridge : Divorced. I've got access to the kids but they don't wanna see me!

• Alan Partridge : Hi, John.

  John - Builder : [Yorkshire accent]  Al. Yeah, we've concreted the floor.

  Alan Partridge : No bodies underneath there, I hope.

  John - Builder : What?

  Alan Partridge : Ah, just joshing with you, y'know?

  [does a Yorkshire accent] 

  Alan Partridge : Have you put t'corpse under t'patio? I expect you get that all the time.

  John - Builder : Not really.

  Alan Partridge : Actually, that skirting board does seem a bit too low. Could you change it again?

  [John rips it off the wall and throws it down, then walks away] 

  Alan Partridge : [to the other builder, in a Yorkshire accent]  Eeee, 'appen 'e thinks I'm a right indecisive tit!

  Builder : I don't think he likes it when you do that accent.

  Alan Partridge : Well, well... Well, I'll stop, then.