Jack Benny: Jack Benny

Quotes 

• Selma : And while we're talking, that was some crummy wedding gift you sent us - 2 dozen paper plates.

  Jack Benny : Selma

  Selma : This is a marriage, not a picnic.

• Stuart Canin : [about Fred Allen]  He said for a man of your wealth, you were really very modest.

  Jack Benny : Modest? Fred said that about me?

  Stuart Canin : Yes. He said that you could be in a cocktail lounge all night with Jack Benny and you'd never know he had a quarter.

• Charlie : Mr. Benny, this is my wife, Selma.

  Jack Benny : Well Selma, I'm very glad to meet you and I want to say you've got yourself a fine man, here. You know, I'm vey very fond of him. He's been working for me for 15 years.

  Selma : I know. How come you never gave him a raise?

• Charlie : Would you like to kiss the bride?

  Jack Benny : Not until I've had my rabies shot.