- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: Ten of your American dollars says God is a woman.
- Jack Stiles: Well that explains why we're always trying to please her, and nothing we ever do is good enough.
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: It would also explain why we're no longer covered in fur while we hunt our neighbors for recreation.
- Jack Stiles: Yeah, yeah. Next thing you'll tell me, God's British.
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: I'm trying to break you in slowly, Jack.
- Jack Stiles: Why am I doing all the work while you sit there drinking tea?
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: Because tea time happens to be a time honored British tradition. When it's burger time I'll pedal.
- [Jack and Emilia are dressed as French soldiers, about to sneak into the fort]
- Jack Stiles: Wait a minute! You can't pass for a French soldier with those jubbies!
- [motions to his chest]
- Jack Stiles: You gotta hide 'em!
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: It may surprise you to know, Jack, they're not detachable!
- Jack Stiles: Too bad, it'd make a nice addition to my teddy bear.
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: Oh, and it's a shame your Andrew Johnson isn't detachable either, I could use it to cork wine.
- Jack Stiles: A Pinot Noir, no doubt.
- Mrs. Emilia Smythe Rothschild: [sarcastic] Ah-ha-ha-ha!
- Dr. Benjamin Franklin: In the name of Democracy, I demand that you let me go!
- Blackbeard the Pirate: Shut up, Piggy!
- Dr. Benjamin Franklin: How about giving me a six-course meal and a washmaiden instead?