- Will Girardi: Good morning.
- Helen Girardi: The coffee's made.
- Will Girardi: I wondered what happened to you.
- Helen Girardi: I couldn't sleep. Been up all night.
- Will Girardi: You should've woke me up. I would have massaged you to a blissful stupor.
- Joan Girardi: You're talking to my brother?
- Balloon Sculptor God: I talk to everyone, Joan. Some people listen.
- Joan Girardi: [he pops a balloon] You're not very good at this, are you?
- Balloon Sculptor God: "Good" is relative. Beauty's relative. Everything's relative. Except for me. I'm absolute.
- Joan Girardi: I thought that was vodka.
- Will Girardi: What's her story?
- Pharmacist: These girls, kids from Russia or someplace. They come in here every day trying to scam me.
- Will Girardi: Phony scrips?
- Pharmacist: The prescriptions are legit, but they're trying to get more than the doctor prescribed. Misoprostol, it's an ulcer med.
- Will Girardi: You can get high on ulcer medication? No wonder my grandfather was always smiling.
- Pharmacist: It can induce miscarriage. It's an off-label use. Without a doctor's supervision, it's pretty risky.
- Will Girardi: Do-it-yourself abortion. And it's more than just her?
- Joan Girardi: Two-for-one smoothies a the mall tonight. Who's in?
- Friedman: [turing around] I'm in.
- Joan Girardi: You're so not.
- Friedman: [with a ton of product in his hair] How do I look?
- Joan Girardi: [momentarily stunned] Like Erykah Badu. What...? Friedman, what are you even doing here?
- Friedman: I'm here to converse with chicks about Prada.
- Helen Girardi: Is that you?
- Joan Girardi: Yes.
- Helen Girardi: You stink.
- Joan Girardi: Thank you.
- Helen Girardi: Why do you stink?
- Joan Girardi: Because I am not vain. Caring about your appearance is a soulless expression of vanity.
- Helen Girardi: If you've been smoking marijuana, honey, you need to tell me.
- Joan Girardi: What's in the bag?
- Adam Rove: [handing it to her] Oh.
- Joan Girardi: "Dude, Where's My Car?", "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", "Dumb and Dumber." "Tommy Boy"? Did you rent these?
- [he shakes his head]
- Joan Girardi: [surprised] They're yours?
- Adam Rove: There's an anarchic absurdity in "Dude" that speaks to teenage alientation.
- [seeing her confusion]
- Adam Rove: It's funny as hell.