Just Shoot Me! (TV Series)

How the Finch Stole Christmas (1998)

David Spade: Dennis Finch

Photos 

Quotes 

• Narrator : Now, I don't know for sure, but so I am told / The Finch's black heart turned completely to gold.

  Dennis Finch : That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

  Narrator : For once Finch felt like more than a peasant / Then he noticed that Elliot had opened his present.

  Elliot DiMauro : "To Elliot from Finch: Take that, you bald-headed loser!" What the hell?

  Narrator : But the Finch is clever, he always survives.

  Dennis Finch : [Pulls on fire alarm]  Fire! Fire! Run for your lives!

  Narrator : And those jingle bells rang from New York to New Jersey / Merry Christmas to all, and happy Hannukah to Persky.

  Persky : Thank you, sir?

• Narrator : Finch opened his present with great anticipation / Everyone had pitched in, so he had high expectations / He opened the bag, it made his blood curdle / His gift was a calendar shaped like a turtle.

  Dennis Finch : "Turtles of the World"?

  Narrator : He said with great rage / Turtles and turtles on every page.

• Elliot DiMauro : Christmas is so depressing. It's gotten too comercial, it's lost all its spiritual meaning.

  Dennis Finch : No it hasn't. That is such a cliché.

  Jack Gallo : Check this out! Lollipops in the shape of Jesus.

• Narrator : And then a thought popped into his head / A thought full of evil and malice and dread.

  Dennis Finch : I'll teach them a lesson. Oh, yes.

  Narrator : ...the evil Finch ranted / This is one Finch who would not be taken for granted / He asked for a yard, and they gave him an inch / So this year, Christmas would be stolen by a Finch.

• Dennis Finch : I'll do it, because a gift is its own reward. Although since it's Christmas, a better reward would be a new set of wheels. Prefably a moped, with a sidecar for the honeys.

  Jack Gallo : Dennis, you're not getting a moped.

  Dennis Finch : Moped, motorscooter, whatever.

• Jack Gallo : Guess what I have in here?

  Dennis Finch : A human head?

  Jack Gallo : Better. Hannah's new puppy. Isn't he adorable? I'd love to cuddle you and hold you and hug you forever... Okay, gotta run.

• Nina Van Horn : We live in a world gone mad! I swear I'd sleep with the next man I see wearing a hat.

  [Elliot enters wearing a beret] 

  Dennis Finch : Run, dude!