- Maya Gallo: To avoid suspicion, we're not going to be able to be affectionate at work.
- Elliot DiMauro: Uh-huh. You might want to cover up that giant hickey.
- Maya Gallo: Hickey? Is it that noticeable?
- Elliot DiMauro: You might want to cover it up.
- Maya Gallo: How?
- Elliot DiMauro: I don't know, duct tape and a beer coaster?
- Elliot DiMauro: Nina, I swear to God, if you tell a soul, I will tell the entire staff your real age.
- Nina Van Horn: You don't know my real age.
- [Elliot whispers into Nina's ear]
- Nina Van Horn: Your secret will go with me to my grave.
- Dennis Finch: Hold on. You know something.
- Nina Van Horn: No, I don't.
- Dennis Finch: Yes, you do. You're twitching.
- Nina Van Horn: Can't a girl have a twitch?
- Dennis Finch: That's an "I've got an itch to snitch" twitch.
- Nina Van Horn: Who are you, Dr. Seuss?
- Dennis Finch: Jack, your wife is on the phone. She forgot the security code for the appartment.
- Jack Gallo: What is so tricky about the number five?
- Jack Gallo: You mean I've been losing every time? That's doesn't seem fair.
- Dennis Finch: If it's any consolation, you're a multi-millionaire with eight cars and a child bride.
- Jack Gallo: I guess.
- Nina Van Horn: But for God's sake, the copy room? Show some class. The supply room has an air mattress and a boom box.
- Dennis Finch: I can tell it's a good one, so I'll tell you something first. You know the night janitors? They all have wives named Lois.
- Nina Van Horn: Yeah, so?
- Dennis Finch: So there's like eight of them! Am I the only one that finds that weird?
- Nina Van Horn: I've had my share of office romances. Some work out, some don't. But if we act like adults, no one gets hurt.
- Nina Van Horn: [to a man passing by] Unless someone doesn't want to leave their shrew of a wife!
- Maya Gallo: How could you do this to me?
- Jack Gallo: Do what?
- Maya Gallo: Be so damn understanding!
- Jack Gallo: Excuse me?
- Maya Gallo: I mean, Elliot is obviously wrong for me!
- Elliot DiMauro: Excuse me?
- Maya Gallo: He's a compulsive womanizer! Finch, how many women has he slept with?
- Dennis Finch: Hundred?
- Elliot DiMauro: Finch!
- Dennis Finch: Thousand?
- Maya Gallo: You see? While you're all discussing your little magazine, I have become one-thousand-and-one!