- Didi Hill: Cotton is so easy to shop for. Either he likes what I get him and he's happy or he hates it and he shoots it and he's happy.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: I think we have a framework for peace. Now, how do you feel about goin' outside?
- Cotton Hill: [holding a nail gun] Aw, I still got some nails left.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: If you come outside, I'll let you shoot at my bullet-proof limo.
- Cotton Hill: [Cotton shoots the nail gun at the limo and breaks a window] Oops.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: They told me it was bulletproof.
- Cotton Hill: Come on, Hank, let's go shoot us a Christmas tree.
- Hank Hill: Well Dad, you know how much I love to yell, "Ready, Aim, Timber", but this year Mr. Strickland bought me a tree.
- Cotton Hill: Brought my bayonet. Figured if it was good enough to kill 30 men, it's good enough to slice some drywall.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: Come on. Deep down, just between you and me, I won't tell anyone... you don't really hate your son.
- Cotton Hill: Yes, I do.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: But you don't...
- Cotton Hill: Head to toe.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: No, really...
- Cotton Hill: And his wife.
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: Look... he was a baby once.
- Cotton Hill: Everyone hated that baby!
- Ex-President Jimmy Carter: Hated a BABY?