- Wally Cleaver: If you want this girl to like you, you gotta quit goin' around like such a little slob.
- Theodore Cleaver: Yeah. Boy, when you get mixed up with girls, you sure have to give up a lot, don't ya?
- Gilbert Bates: I once saw this movie where these two brothers were pirates, and then they captured this
- [link=nm0000058]
- Gilbert Bates: lady, and even though they'd been brothers all their life, they started fighting over her.
- Richard Rickover: Yeah, somebody's always fightin' over Maureen O'Hara in the movies.
- Gilbert Bates: Yeah, she's real good at gettin' fought over.
- Theodore Cleaver: You see, Mom, Mary likes me again and she asked me to walk her home, but I told her to drop dead.
- June Cleaver: Oh, Beaver, couldn't you have thought of another way of saying it?
- Theodore Cleaver: Yeah, I thought of a lot of ways. But "drop dead" was the nicest.
- Theodore Cleaver: [after Beaver shakes hands with Mary] Gee, I never shook hands with a girl before. Well, except once after a fight, and then the teacher made me.
- Theodore Cleaver: Ya know something, Wally?
- Wally Cleaver: What?
- Theodore Cleaver: Me and Mary made this deal, neither one of us is going to walk home with anybody else.
- Wally Cleaver: Ya know something, Beav? I gotta stop looking at you like a little kid. You're an operator!
- Ward Cleaver: [at dinner] I guess that's the way some little girls are. They become infatuated with an older boy.
- June Cleaver: *I* never did! I always went out with the boys in my *own* class.
- Wally Cleaver: Gee, Mom, can you remember that far back?
- [last lines]
- Wally Cleaver: How about that, Mom? The whole thing was nothin'.
- June Cleaver: Yes. I don't know whether to feel sad or happy.
- Wally Cleaver: Ya know, Mom, sometimes you act just like a *girl*.