- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: [Trapper and Hawkeye are talking during the movie] Will you sirs kindly mind? It's Shirley Temple!
- Trapper: She's not really a kid, Radar.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Her mother stunted her growth - made her sleep in a short bed and smoke. She's 42 years old.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: You've been avoiding me, Margaret.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Actually, I've been ignoring you, Frank. I'll get around to avoiding you later.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Margaret asks to borrow money from Frank] I just can't do it. It rubs against the grain. 'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.' Polonius.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: 'To give and not count the cost.' St. Ignatius Loyola.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: 'The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last throughout a whole lifetime... if not asked to lend money.' Mark Twain.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: 'Blow it out your ear!' Margaret Houlihan.
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Sex happens to be one of the most important things in life, inasmuch as each one of us is one or the other gender of it once we're born, which is the direct result of the act of it.
- P.A. Announcer: Attention, all personnel. Tonight's movie is a holdover from last week, and will be shown right after supper... which is also a holdover from last week.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Look, we need this. If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy.
- Trapper: Come on. Everybody up. Rise and shine! Hawk?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I'm up!
- Trapper: Get up on your feet up.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [sighs] Korea? The war still?
- Trapper: Right.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What's to get up? I left a call for half past peace.