Quotes
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : How dare you do that to me in front of a room full of people! I have to work with them!
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : You'll work with them a lot better when you start treating them like people.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Don't hand me that baloney. You're not standing up for her as a woman, you're really jealous of her, aren't you?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Jealous of her?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Olive green.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Over you? Don't be an ass! You think everything revolves around you and your spectacular body, don't you?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : You're raving.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : You think a woman is dead until she lives for you. Well, let me tell you something, Benjamin Franklin, we actually survive without you. We live, we breathe, we dream, we do our work, we earn our pay, sometimes we even have our little failures, and then we pull ourselves together all without benefit of your fabulous electric lips! And let me tell you something else, buster. I can walk into that kitchen anytime I want, and replace those fabulous lips of yours with a soggy piece of liver!
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Hawkeye : You're gonna pull me through this in spite of myself, aren't ya?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Why not?
Hawkeye : [They smile, walking side by side, arms on each other's shoulder] You know, Louis, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
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Hawkeye : I haven't treated you like a professional?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : All you think about with women is one thing.
Hawkeye : In some cases, not even one.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Hard smash to your left, Margaret.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : That's supposed to cut me to the quick, right? You've got a yardstick that's three letters high: S-E-X. And you measure every woman in the camp by it.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Great backhand.
Hawkeye : What are you getting so excited about?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : I'm sick and tired of the way you chase the nurses! Now that you've met a woman who's on your own professional level, I'm loving every minute of it.
Maj. Charles Winchester : As am I.
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Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : So that's all that bothered you, huh? The way she did it.
Hawkeye : Yeah.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : I've got a big piece of news for you, Captain. Charles is right. The fact that she's a woman is what gets you.
Hawkeye : You must be kidding.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Oh, you love the women. As long as they're cute and charming and following orders, you're happy as a clam. You're fine with the handmaidens, but let a woman be an equal really makes your hair fall out, doesn't it?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Margaret, could you find a better simile?