- Fr. Mulcahy: There's someone you want me to talk to?
- Hawkeye: Yeah, I got kind of an unusual case for you, Father.
- [Mulcahy sees the dog]
- Fr. Mulcahy: Oh, my! What denomination is he?
- Hawkeye: He's a German shepherd; I guess that makes him a Lutheran.
- [Hawkeye is prepping a canine soldier for surgery]
- Margaret: I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but that dog really shouldn't be in here. Think of the germs.
- Sergeant Hodkey: You have more germs than that dog, nurse.
- Margaret: I beg your pardon!
- Hawkeye: I rise in defense of the lady. She showers frequently. I know because I watch her.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Well what do ya think of that?
- Hawkeye: I think I'm a fool.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: What do you mean?
- Hawkeye: I came all the way to Korea to perform surgery. I could've stayed at home and phoned it in.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Laughs
- B.J.: Klinger, have you seen Father Mulcahey?
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: No sir, I haven't seen him all day. But if it's a spiritual problem, give me a minute and I'll come back as a nun.
- B.J.: Careful, Klinger. Dressing as a nun can be habit forming.
- Private Danny Fitzsimons: Father, do you know how he got his name "Boom boom"?
- Fr. Mulcahy: No, I don't.
- Private Danny Fitzsimons: He was a chaplain in World War II. He was always way up at the front. He was so close to the artillery, that when he finished a sermon, the enemy would say Amen.
- Hawkeye: [Sergeant Hodkey asks about his wounded dog] He's fine. He just asked me how do you bust outta this chicken joint.