- Charles: [Listening to Father Mulcahy's piano playing] Every time he tickles those ivories the entire elephants' graveyard turns over.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: About time you showed up, We got wounded here.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: I know, sir. I was almost one of 'em.
- [an angry South Korean woman attacks Klinger with a pitchfork]
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Madame, it's against the rules to fold, spindle, or perforate military personnel!
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Corporals Dolan and Vitello. They're from Eddie Hastings's outfit.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Oh, yeah?
- Dolan: Yeah, we've known him since Basic.
- Vitello: Yeah, what about him?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I'm afraid it's bad news. He didn't make it.
- Dolan: Oh, yeah? Who got him, their side or ours?