M*A*S*H (TV Series)
The Sniper (1973)
Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns
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Quotes
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Hawkeye : [a clanging is heard in the kitchen] The mess tent.
Frank Burns : The sniper?
Hawkeye : Quiet! Come on.
Frank Burns : Me?
Hawkeye : He doesn't know we're out here, but we know he's in there, which gives us a good chance to catch him.
Frank Burns : Catch him?
Hawkeye : Or he catches us, whichever way it works out.
Frank Burns : Look, if you want to be a hero that much, you go.
Hawkeye : Frank, you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn. Come on.
Frank Burns : Wait! I'll come with you!
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Frank Burns : Do you know how long it took me to become a doctor? Do you?
Hawkeye : I, I thought the usual time.
Frank Burns : Twice as long. I flunked outta two med schools. I even thought of switching to male nurse but I could never learn how to make hospital corners.
Hawkeye : Frank, you really...
Frank Burns : And during my internship the local undertaker used to send me Christmas presents and calendars! But I made it.
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Frank Burns : [a sniper attacks while Frank Burns is outside camp with Margaret, and Hawkeye with Lt. Marquette; Hawkeye rushes to retrieve Lt. Marquette, on the next hill] Where are you going?
Hawkeye : [shouts, running] Grab a friend, and get back to camp!
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Hawkeye : Frank, I know it's irrational to ask you a rational question, but why do you need a gun?
Frank Burns : We, are in a battle zone, mister. Only three miles from the front!
Hawkeye : Must have very long bullets.
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Lt. Col. Henry Blake : What's the situation in here?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Desperate, Colonel. No food, no ammunition.
Frank Burns : Low on supplies, low on morale.
Hawkeye : But very high on panic.
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Yeah, Frank's been a marvelous commandant.
Hawkeye : He's risen to a new low.
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Lt. Col. Henry Blake : I'm gonna call regimental headquarters for immediate help.
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Henry, we did. We're on our own till tomorrow.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : We can't just wait! We've gotta do something!
Frank Burns : Anything!
Hawkeye : I agree with Frank. I think we should do anything.