Malcolm in the Middle (TV Series)

Clip Show #2 (2003)

Jane Kaczmarek: Lois

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hal : [re: Francis]  You honestly don't see your part in all of this? Parents' Weekend at the military school, you two got into a swordfight. You dragged him off the field in the middle of a Tee-Ball game because you thought he gave you a look. His first words were, '*You* shut up.' Lois, you two have been at each other's throats since the day he was born.

  Lois : [pause]  He started it.

  Hal : What?

  Lois : Nothing.

  Hal : No, you said he started it. What does that mean?

  Lois : Just leave me alone.

  Hal : How the hell can a baby start anything?

  Lois : I don't know, Hal! Everything started so badly right after he was born!

  Hal : What, the staph infection? What does that have to do with anything?

  Lois : I was stuck in the hospital. Without my baby. Completely isolated. For six weeks. All I could do was lie there, and worry about him, and think about how much he needed me, to nurse him, and to hold him. And when they finally let me out, I run home as fast as I can to take care of poor little Francis, and when I get there, I discover he's happy! He couldn't care less I was gone all that time. You were taking care of him, and he was happy as a clown! I was just an intrusion.

  Hal : Honey, I had no idea.

  Lois : [breaking down]  I know, it's wrong. And I know it's creepy! And I can't help it! I'm the worst mother of all time!

  [They both burst into tears] 

  Hal : It's just as much my fault. We've never gotten this right! We are utter failures as parents! I mean, look at this pigsty! Look at how we live!

  Lois : Why do we even bother making a will? All we'll leave our children is misery!

  Hal : This family is an unmitigated disaster!