Married... with Children (TV Series)
How Bleen Was My Kelly (1995)
Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Al Bundy : Where the hell is my paycheck going?
Bud Bundy : Ah, well, luckily, Dad, I've put all the family finances right here in this computer.
Al Bundy : You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.
Peggy Bundy : You know, that reminds me of our sex life.
Al Bundy : That's putting something I have in something I don't like.
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Kelly Bundy : I got a part in a TV movie.
Peggy Bundy : Well, who are you gonna play, honey?
Kelly Bundy : Madame Curie. So to prepare for the part, I thought I'd get some firsthand experience of what it's like to be Madame. So does anyone know where there's a brothel around here?
Bud Bundy : Well, there's Howie's down by the airport, but...
[Kelly looks oddly at Bud, who looks back with great embarrassment]
Bud Bundy : I mean, uh, Madame Curie's not a hooker. No, she's a famous French chemist who discovered radium... down by the airport.
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Al Bundy : [bangs on the door] Peg! Bud! Would you get the door? My arms are full!
Peggy Bundy , Bud Bundy : Coming!
[Neither Peggy or Bud move an inch from their spots and Al is forced to let himself in]
Al Bundy : [sarcastically] Ah, there's no place like home.
Peggy Bundy : Al, if you're gonna come in, could you shut the door?
Al Bundy : Peg, if you're gonna live here, could you shut your mouth?
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[Al is carrying two large bags of dog food]
Al Bundy : You know, Peg, this dog is chewing a hole in our budget. Look at these. Kibbles, dog biscuits, Liver Snaps.
Peggy Bundy : Well, actually, Al, those are for Mom.
Al Bundy : Well, why didn't you say so?
[Al throws the bags out the front door]
Lucky : Ooh, food! An escape from this hellhole.
[Lucky runs outside after the food]
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Bud Bundy : [types on the computer] Dad, look. Look, here's a list of all the salaries of all the occupations in the world. And here is what you make.
Al Bundy : [looks at the computer] That's what I make?
Bud Bundy : Mm-hmm.
Al Bundy : I'm a paperboy!
Peggy Bundy : Oh, no, Al, paperboys can afford bicycles.
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Al Bundy : Peg, come here. A Pakistani dirt vendor makes more than I do.
Peggy Bundy : Yeah, and he probably smells better.
Al Bundy : Probably has a reason to.
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Peggy Bundy : All right. Now, here's someone who might make less than your father. Eskimo blubber-chewer.
[looks on the computer]
Peggy Bundy : Nope.
Bud Bundy : Mm. Check, uh, French deodorant salesman.
[Peggy types it in]
Peggy Bundy : Not even close.
[Kelly comes home]
Kelly Bundy : Hey, guys. Today was my last day at the lab. It's a good thing too, 'cause there was nothing left to take. But you know what? I really got into my character. And, just like Madame Curie, I threw a bunch of cool, deadly chemicals together, and I invented something: The color bleed.
Bud Bundy : Mom, check, uh, brain-dead blond.
[Peggy looks it up]
Peggy Bundy : They make way more than your father.
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Peggy Bundy : [after Al grows hair because of Kelly's Bleen] Hey, Al, what about side effects? You know, no one markets a product without testing it.
Al Bundy : Oh, no, Peg? Cigarettes? Ford Pinto? That condom I used on our wedding night? Read my lips, Peg. There are no side effects.
Peggy Bundy : Okay, all right.
Al Bundy : By the way, Peg, you look really good this afternoon. Who said that?
Peggy Bundy : Al, that is the nicest thing you've said to me in years.
Al Bundy : You know, Peg, I have a sudden urge to take you upstairs and have sex with you... Who said that?
Peggy Bundy : Well, let's go!
Al Bundy : No, no! Wait a second, Peg. Wait, I better test this Bleen a little bit. Wait! Wait a minute, Peg. Wait, wait!
[Al and Peggy stop]
Al Bundy : God, you look beautiful. Who the hell said that? I'm a mad dog! Somebody shoot me!
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Al Bundy : [looks on the computer] You know, Peg, there's gotta be someone out there even more worthless than me.
Peggy Bundy : Yeah, well, I'd like to meet him.
[Al suddenly discovers something]
Al Bundy : Well, here it is, Peg. Occupation: None. Skill: None. Use: None. Peg, say hi to Public Loafer Number One!
[a picture of Peggy appears on the computer]
Al Bundy : [victoriously] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!