Married... with Children (TV Series)

Turning Japanese (1996)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Quotes 

• Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : The bank president is flying in all the way from Japan at my house tonight. Now, once he approves of me, the job is as good as mine. So Al, the reason that I'm here is that I need your help with just one little thing to make tonight's dinner perfect. I need you to leave the neighborhood. You see, I don't want my boss to be repulsed by you or your children, no offence.

  Al Bundy : None taken.

  Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : So you'll do it.

  Al Bundy : I meant none taken... yet.

  [Al widdles his fingers together symbolizing a bribe] 

  Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : All right, Al. What's your price?

  Al Bundy : One night, all expenses payed, to a Howard Boman's Motor Lodge.

  Bud Bundy : Oh, where Hobo's reside.

  Kelly Bundy : Where every bed is shaped like a boxcar.

  [everyone looks at Kelly oddly] 

  Kelly Bundy : [embarrassed]  Or, uh... so I hear from my slutty friends who may go there all the time. Not me.

• Al : Marcy, see, it's a man's thing. Unlike you leg-shavers, we men... we men like our things broken in. You know, old things. Old tennis shoes, old filthy jeans, a 30-year-old toothbrush with chunkets of Reggie bar in it...

  [Marcy makes a disgusted face. Bud puts his burger away and looks like he's about to heave]