Married... with Children (TV Series)

Valentine's Day Massacre (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : I'd like one dozen red roses.

  Betty : One bouquet of wallet-breakers! Okay, sir, now how do you intend to pay? Cash, check, or deed to your house?

  Al Bundy : Do you take blood?

• Bud : Dad, tell Kelly I found Crystal Brooks. She's performing here in town and she's staying at the Emperor Hotel. I'm gonna go see her and set things straight. Ha ha, witchy woman. Bite me.

  Al Bundy : Did you get that?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Uh yeah, he wants Emperor Crystal to bite him.

• Al Bundy : [to Peggy, as she rushes off up the stairs]  Don't tell me what's romantic! I know what's romantic!

  [to Kelly, walking by] 

  Al Bundy : Kelly, what's romantic?

  Kelly Bundy : Daddy, you know, women like candy and flowers and cards.Not the kind with some naked fat chick on it going 'I know it's around here somewhere!'

  Al Bundy : [shrugs]  I like that one.

  [doorbell rings] 

  Kelly Bundy : Daddy, it's Valentine's Day! Women like men to be sweet and sensitive.

  [opens front door] 

  Mayhem : [a leather-clad slovenly scoundrel standing in doorway]  Whoa, babe, your knobs look huge! You ready?

  Kelly Bundy : Yes, and don't call me babe. Daddy, this is my Valentine's date, Mayhem.

  Al Bundy : [apoplectic]  Charmed!

  Kelly Bundy : Bye!

  [off she goes, with Mayhem]