- [Barnaby and Sergeant Scott are looking at a brutally slain murder victim]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: By the way, welcome to Midsomer!
- Sergeant Dan Scott: [sarcastically] Well there can't be that many door-to-door knife grinders around these days, can there?
- [last lines]
- Cully Barnaby: I've invited you all here because I didn't want to cancel, and I didn't want to come here alone. So...
- Joyce Barnaby: That's understandable.
- Cully Barnaby: Will you join me in a toast? To absent friends.
- [they clink glasses]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: To absent friends,
- Cassie Woods: I remember when we last met, Mr. Barnaby.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Where was that?
- Cassie Woods: It was during one of our school plays. I was doing front of the house. You arrived late.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Did I enjoy the play?
- Cassie Woods: I shouldn't think so. No one else did.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Joyce, this is my new colleague, Daniel Scott. Daniel Scott, Joyce Barnaby.
- Joyce Barnaby: Hello.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Barnaby. And you surprise me. You don't look anything like a policeman's wife.
- Joyce Barnaby: Oh? Why not?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: You don't have any worry lines.
- Joyce Barnaby: What a nice thing to say.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Uh, he's got nowhere to stay for the time being, so I'm going to check out a few B&Bs.
- [to Scott]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: If you had caught the right train this morning, that would have helped.
- Joyce Barnaby: Forget about a B&B. He looks exhausted. It's just for one night, Tom. And the spare room's free.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Look, Joyce, this is my home. It's also my own free time, and I have very little of that. Apart from which I don't even know the man.
- Joyce Barnaby: Then get to know him.
- Dr. Bullard: So what was she doing dressed up like a Christmas tree?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: She'd been out to a Spanish evening, George.
- Dr. Bullard: Oh well, that probably explains the red rose. Nice touch.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What do you mean, a nice touch?
- Dr. Bullard: Well, she'd hardly be walking out with it in her mouth,would she? Someone with an odd sense of humor, maybe.
- [first lines]
- Gary Thompson: I checked your bank statement, didn't I. That's how I know.
- Fiona Thompson: You couldn't have. We don't get a bank statement till the end of the month.
- Gary Thompson: Do you realize we're on the verge of bankruptcy?
- Fiona Thompson: I have to be allowed to spend at least a little bit of money on myself occasionally, just even to come here tonight. How was I going to go like this? How was I going to do anything? Nothing. I couldn't have done anything.
- Gary Thompson: All right, will you keep your voice down. We're in a public place. Anyway, you might like to know that I went to see the bank manager this morning and I got photocopies of all your statements. That's how I know.
- Fiona Thompson: You bastard.
- Gary Thompson: Well, that's it. I put a freeze on everything; no more money.
- Fiona Thompson: Well, screw you.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: All right. I'll be honest with you, sir. Maybe I don't like the countryside. Maybe I can't tell one herd of chickens from another. I am prepared to put up with it for the time being.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, you're prepared to put up with it.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Yeah, because I'm willing to learn. You see, with all due respect, sir, I've been involved with two murders from the moment I arrived here. I haven't had time to suss out the launderette or where the local post office is. And I'm tired. And it's Sunday.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And your tie is crooked.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Thank you, sir.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And you don't get Sundays off when you work with me.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Did I say something wrong, sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: It's not what you said, it's how you said it.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Is ah... is this it sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [looks around at his surroundings] I... I'm afraid it is.
- Cully Barnaby: What's the rush?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Troy's replacement arrives today, fresh from London. I thought I'd make a good impression, you know, by being there to greet him.
- Cully Barnaby: What's he like?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I don't know. Never met the man.