- Duce: [Peter has painted a copy of The Laughing Cavalier, but has included Mike's wool hat] What's with the hat? The hat's not needed.
- Peter: It's Mike's hat. It's knitted.
- Duce: I know it's knitted, but it's not needed.
- Peter: How did you know it was knitted?
- Duce: I can tell it's knitted, but it's not needed.
- Peter: Oh, for a minute I thought you knew Mike.
- Mike: What are we doing eating breakfast with Mr. Schneider?
- Davy: Well, Peter's not here, and we got lonely.
- Mike: Peter's not - You mean he's not back from the museum yet?
- Micky: Maybe he's in trouble.
- Davy: Heh! How much trouble can you get into in a museum?
- Micky: He's in trouble.
- Davy: He's in trouble.
- Mike: Okay men, Mission: Ridiculous.
- Mike: [narrating] Gathering our team of experts from the four corners of the earth, we'll be a taskforce of deadliness, efficiency and teamwork.
- Mike: [Davy is seen climbing onto a rooftop] The Manchester Marauder.
- Davy: [a duffelbag is thrown onto his head] Gee, thanks, Peter, I really needed that.
- Peter: [of screen] That's ok, Davy, any time.
- [Davy bumps into a pole, then grabs an antenna and gets a shock of electricity]
- Mike: [resuming his narration] The Conneticut Counterspy combines nerves of steel, cool-eyed perseption and some fancy footwork.
- Davy: [Peter knocks over a potted plant as he climbs on the roof] Peter, watch the pla- oh, it's not real anyway.
- [Davy throws the fake plant over the railing]
- Micky: [off screen] Ouch!
- Mike: [still narrating] Their ability to make quick, irriversible decisions show why they were picked for this group.
- [Peter bumps into the pole]
- Mike: [Mike climbs up on the roof as his narration continues] The modest but towering Texan needs no introduction. His stoiclike ability to endure pain...
- Mike: [Mike bumps into the pole] ... prove why he is a leader among men.
- [Mike grabs the electricity pole but does not feel a thing]
- Mike: Last, but not least, is the Los Angeles Leopard, known in Peoria as The Panther Man.
- [Micky climbs onto the rooftop carrying the painting]
- Mike: And somewhat hampered by a low resistance to the night air.
- [Micky sneezes as the other three team members run up to him and shush]
- Mike: He is the only weak link in our chain.