- Lily Munster: Oh Marilyn! Oh my! Those circles under you're eyes! How lovely you look today.
- Marilyn Munster: Well, I wish I felt as well as a look. I just haven't been able to sleep for the last two nights.
- Grandpa: Have you tried hanging from the rafters with your head down, like I do?
- Marilyn Munster: I'd like to, Grandpa, but I just don't seem to have the toes for it.
- Grandpa: [to Herman] Boy, if Louis Pasteur had had you looking over his shoulders, I'm sure he never would have invented rabies.
- Grandpa: [startled by Marilyn] Oh Marilyn, don't ever do that! You'll scare me right out of my skin. And you know how hard it is to get back into it.
- Paul Newmar: Man, this is certainly a fascinating theater you got here.
- Lily Munster: Oh, this isn't a theater, this is our home.
- Lily Munster: Mr. Prince, I have to be frank with you. Poor Marilyn is, well, to put it bluntly, less attractive than the rest of the family.
- Herman Munster: You might say she's the 'ugly duckling'.
- Dick Prince: And you want me to kiss her?
- Grandpa: Well, you can close your eyes.
- Herman Munster: Say kids, eh, eh, you can have the car.
- [throws Richard the keys]
- Herman Munster: But eh, eh, remember: have it back before twelve or it will turn into a pumpkin!
- Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you're so sweet and thoughtful. When they made you, they broke the mold.
- Herman Munster: The doctor always was a butterfingers.